Ethical Porn for Women: Romance & Inclusivity Reign

What is Ethical Porn? Well, it’s a whole lot of fun, I’ll tell you that much!

There is growing interest in a more ethical and inclusive approach in pornography, in recent years. The people are beginning to yearn for diverse looks and genders, and real bodies. That means there is a plethora of good porn being created with “real life” sensibilities in mind.

You may have heard about porn for women, feminist porn, or other “buzz” words. They all point in the same direction, creating an intersectionality between porn made with ethics in mind, and general diversity in content.

The Ethical Porn movement seeks to challenge the adult entertainment status quo, by offering up realistic, respectful porn with actors that are compensated fairly for their work.

Now that’s sexy.

What is Ethical Porn?

Ethical porn emphasizes fair labor practices, equal pay, and a safe working environment. This type of porn also seeks to represent diverse bodies, desires, and sexual experiences, moving away from the traditional, narrow, and often oppressive representations of women in mainstream porn.

Pay For Your Porn, Buddy

In my world, sex work is real work, and performers deserve to be compensated fairly for their talent, performance, and offering up their nude body for your gooning. Free porn is everywhere, but you really know nothing about the production.

Recognize the value of paying for porn. By supporting the right sites, you’re contributing to a more equitable and respectful industry. So pat yourself on the back, for supporting this erotic art form. You’re creating more demand, which means more productions to go around for everyone!

10 Great Ethical Porn Sites for Women

Here are some excellent ethical porn sites that prioritize performer welfare, diversity, and realistic representations of sexuality:

  • Erika Lust: One of my favorite sites to review, with beautiful cinematic content that comes from the hearts and minds female directors.
  • QueerCrush: Director Electra Rayne brings beautiful, unscripted stories to life, with a diverse cast and an all Sapphic team.
  • CrashPadSeries: A queer, feminist porn site featuring a diverse cast of performers and a focus on consent and communication.
  • PinkLabel.TV: Definitely one of my favorites on the list. This is a fair trade porn site showcasing hundreds of videos with a wide range of sexual experiences.
  • BrightDesire: This site showcases a range of sexual experiences. This is a queer-heavy site, so if that’s your preference, you’ll absolutely love it here.
  • Bellesa: Porn by Women, for real. They pull together sexy, passionate porn from other sites, to bring femme-friendly content you may not find otherwise.

Making the choice to consume ethical porn for women is an essential step towards a more inclusive and respectful adult entertainment industry. Remember that when you support these sites, you’re contributing to an environment conducive to welfare of the performers, diversity, and inclusivity.

If you would like to hear more about these sites, or would like me to review any specific scenes, please make a comment below, or find me on social media!

The Art of Sensual Living – Taking Time For Yourself

In the chaos we have been dealing with in the present day, it’s become more and more important to focus inward to help yourself maintain some semblance of humanity. We’re human, after all, and we all require a level of care to survive. When it comes to self-care, we often focus on the care itself being the things we don’t necessarily need.

Today, I am here to tell you that this is misguided. Self-care is also taking care of our needs, my friends.

While many of us focus on getting our nails done, having a spa day, eating a naughty little treat, or even just exercise; there’s another crucial aspect of self-care that’s often overlooked. That is our sexuality.

Today I want you to explore the art of sensual living with me, and learn more about how incorporating sensuality into our daily lives can lead to happier and more orgasmic experiences! A healthy and fulfilling sex life is essential to our overall well-being, so I am encouraging you to honor your sensual self.

Incorporating Sensuality into Everyday Activities

Sensuality is not just about sex. If you follow me on Threads, you know I talk about this frequently. Sensuality is about finding out what stimulates our senses and what gives us pleasure. This is highly individual but I am more than happy to provide a few tips to get you started.

Your personal sensuality can grow over time. Wanna start small? Here are a few ways to incorporate sensuality into your daily routine:

  • Sensual Snacks: Indulge in foods that stimulate your senses, like juicy fruits, rich chocolates, or spicy cheeses. Savor each bite, and pay attention to the textures, smells, and tastes.
  • Sexy Soundtracks: Put on music that makes you feel sexy and confident when you’re getting dressed or doing chores. ASMR recordings can also be a great way to unwind and tap into your sensual side.
  • Self-Care Sundays: Set aside one day a week for self-care, and make it a sensual experience. Take a long, relaxing bath, give yourself a massage, or practice yoga while focusing on your breath and body.

By incorporating these small moments of sensuality into your daily life, you’ll start to feel more connected to your body and your desires.

If you want a more in-depth article, please check out my previous article about this: How-To: Sensual Self-Care; Add Sensuality to your Routines

The Importance of Mindfulness in Sensual Living

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment. You won’t be good at this right away! Mindfulness is a skill, and it can also be developed over time. Mindfulness is essential for sensual living. When we’re mindful, we’re more aware of ourselves, in both our bodies and our thoughts. This is one way to foster a deeper connection to your body, when you may not have even given it much thought, before.

Loving oneself is a critical aspect of mindfulness and sensual living. When we love and accept ourselves, we’re more likely to feel comfortable in our own skin. That leads to less distractions like worrying about the pudge in your low belly, or how your boobs hang. 😉

And if you’re not thinking of all that, your mind has a whole lot more space to do things like focus on what’s hot, ready, and in front of you!

Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing can help us cultivate self-love and self-acceptance. Remember, these are practices. You won’t be good at these things overnight! If you are looking for step-by-step guidance, let me know in the comments!

Photo by cottonbro studio

Here are a few ways mindfulness can impact orgasms:

  • Increased Awareness: When we’re mindful, we’re more aware of our physical sensations.
  • Reduced Stress: Mindfulness practices reduce stress, leading to less distractions.,
  • Improved Communication: Mindfulness can help us communicate more effectively with our partners, building closer connections.

By incorporating mindfulness into our daily lives, we can cultivate a deeper connection with ourselves and our bodies, leading to a more sensual and fulfilling existence.

Tips for Creating a Sensual Environment at Home

Our environment can greatly impact our mood and our sensuality. Have you ever tried getting down in a roach-infested room? What about on a bed covered in food containers and books? Sorry kiddos–sex is an adult activity.

Once upon a gtime man who was 15 years my junior invited me to “come through”. 👀  While the offer may have been enticing to some cougars, I was immediately plagued with visions of beds on the floor, no linens, and a dirty bathroom. I thought, “I have linens, towels, candles, and a luxurious bathroom. Why would I want to visit some young man’s apartment?!”

I’m sorry–sex is just better when the environment is comfortable. I’m too old–and too fancy!–to lay on a mattress on the floor. Moreover, a sensual and inviting environment makes you feel a little bit more like your home is your personal oasis to enjoy. 

Here are a few tips for creating a sensual environment at home:

  • Soft Lighting: Dim red lights, candles, or string lights can create a warm and inviting atmosphere. You don’t even need to use them all the time! I always keep candles around for this, because they have the added bonus of smelling delicious!
  • Sensual Textures: Incorporate plush throw blankets, soft rugs, and comfortable pillows into your environment. Even if you’re not using your couch, it’s still more inviting with throw blankets or pillows on it. You may just end up hanging out on your couch more often!
  • Sensual Scents: Use essential oils or scented candles to create a sensual and relaxing atmosphere. Aromatherapy is REAL! For relaxing I like a combination of palo santo, lavender, rose, and citrus scents!
  • Comforting Sounds: Play soothing music in your evenings, as you wind down. I prefer music without words, to prevent distractions. Your mileage may vary.

By creating a sensual environment at home, you’ll be more likely to feel relaxed and comfortable. This can lead to stress reduction, a sense of personal joy, and it can certainly make you more comfortable and “ready” for your sensual proclivities!

What are your thoughts? How do you incorporate sensuality into your daily life, and what tips do you have for creating a sensual environment at home?

Why is Chocolate Romantic? From Bitter Water to Erotic Elixir

After writing my last Eros & Edibles piece on Chocolate as an Aphrodisiac, I was left with more questions about how chocolate came to be so heavily associated with sexual appetite and lust. Why is Chocolate Romantic and so associated with Sex and Love? Well, the answer isn’t quite as simple as you may expect!

While elbow deep in chocolate-knowledge, I discovered so many things I didn’t include in that article, because it simply didn’t fit. There are so many more interesting and unique facts surrounding chocolate’s sensual reputation, extending far back to the days when ancient civilizations thrived in Mesoamerica. 

As a Hispanic woman, I am quite familiar with the allure of the decadent treat. Mexican Hot Chocolate, adorned with the taste of cinnamon and ancho chiles, is a result of the deeply and spiritually rooted flavors that come from a plant that was once considered sacred.

Chocolate: From Bitter Water to Erotic Elixir

Chocolate is one food that people look at you as if you spouted an extra limb if you say you “don’t like” it. What’s wrong with you? Have you only had Hershey’s or something–it tastes like vomit! Chocolate has long enchanted each populatio throughout the ages, with its unctuous and silky texture; the result of processing invented by ancient civilizations.

Discovering the erotic and spiritual roots of this now ubiquitous treat has fostered more fascination in me, beyond just the libido boosting benefits. This is a discovery and celebration of the roots of “xocolatl”–or “bitter water”–better known today as Chocolate!

Where Does Chocolate Come From?

Chocolate is deeply rich and silky, tantalizing the tastebuds and leaving us with a high level of satisfaction for a number of reasons. However, this treat has an extensive ancient history.

Chocolate originated in Mesoamerica over 4000 years ago, and was first turned into a drink by the Olmecs of Mesoamerica. Their bitter brew, made with cacao beans they processed themselves, was a revelation to ancient societies. Not only for its incomparable flavor, but for the symbolism in which cacao was bestowed upon these civilizations.

These Mesoamerican civilizations held chocolate, known to them as “xocolatl,” in high regard. They recognized its potential to elevate mood and incite desire, as they sipped upon this sacred liquid.

How was Xocolatl Used?

The Aztecs and the Mayans were particularly famous for their xocolatl rituals. They believed this was a gift from divinity. Consumption of xocolatl was usually reserved for nobility, and served also in religious ceremonies and weddings, where lower classes were also able to enjoy the sacred elixir. 

Cacao was Considered Divine

The Mayans held chocolate in a high regard, and called it the “Drink of the Gods”. Mayans poured this mixture from one pot to another, creating a thick foamy beverage called “xocolatl”, meaning “bitter water.” Mayan chocolate was a revered brew made of roasted and ground cacao seeds mixed with chilies, water and cornmeal.

This bitter water was so much more than a beverage. This was a gift from the gods, and they believed that this plant had medicinal qualities, contributing to energy levels through compounds such as theobromine, They saw it not merely as a beverage but as a gift from feathered-serpent deity Quetzalcoatl, bestowing vitality and passion upon those who partook in its divine essence

Quetzalcoatl is a Toltec name for a Mesoamerican God who represented a variety of pleasures they enjoyed, including salubrious health, love, sex, food, and general agriculture.  

In addition to the civilizations that came before them, the Aztecs adopted the idea from the Maya, that cacao was a god-given fruit. They used cacao beans as a commodity, considering them as valuable as Spaniards saw Gold. Additionally, they followed the tradition of preparing chocolate as a drink in rich cultural rituals, and were particularly entranced by chocolate’s libido enhancement properties. 

Who Brought Chocolate To Europe?

The enchantment of chocolate has captivated the human palate for centuries, and it’s only grown ever since it expanded beyond its Mesoamerican roots. These days, what was once viewed as a luxury, and as valuable as gold, is now available for a couple of bucks at your local convenience store.

Chocolate made its way to Spain via means of the explorer Hernán Cortés, who was searching for gold. He was surprised to be presented with an abundance of cacao beans. 

Chocolate: From Currency to a Commodity

When Cortes came to meet with the Aztecs, he was on a conquest for gold. Evidently, he was shown cacao beans instead. This is a testament to the value the Mayans–and subsequently the Aztecs–placed on cacao. Cacao was used as currency, as well as a sacred drink for rituals and extravagant events.

Initially Spaniards didn’t think much of cacao. Mixing these ground beans with chiles and corn masa was not too pleasing to the European palate. 

Eventually, Spaniards began drinking chocolate with some changes; imparting sweetness to please their palates. Spanish monks were the first to add sugar to chocolate, creating something far more similar to the hot chocolate we drink today. 

Chocolate was served as a beverage to noble people in Spain, adorned with occasional spices such as cinnamon, instead of the chile peppers and corn masa that were traditionally used by Native Mesoamericans. 

In Spain, their unique take on the original unsweetened beverage was served to nobility, and prized as a special secret of the Spanish. It was 100 years before Chocolate was brought to other countries.

Nowadays, you can still find it prepared similarly in the form of Champurrado. This corn-masa thickened drink is sweetened with ingredients like piloncillo and cinnamon, providing a uniquely Mexican experience. 

How Chocolate Became So Sexy

Montezuma II, the Aztec emperor, was probably the greatest testament to chocolate’s erotic reputation. The emperor enjoyed this beverage so much, he even served xocolatl to Spanish explorers in 1519, who were considered honored guests. 

While chocolate was considered medicinal for many reasons, Montezuma prized his favorite drink for enhancing his sexual performance. It was said that the emperor consumed copious amounts of this frothy, bitter concoction to heighten his virility and stamina. As such, he was said to consume up to 50 cups of the divine liquid – daily! The ruler especially made sure to imbibe this stimulating tonic before getting buck wild in his personal harem. 

The emperor’s legendary consumption of chocolate specifically for his romantic exploits underscored its status as a divine aphrodisiac. The belief in its ability to inflame the senses and invigorate the body was so strong that cacao beans were even used as currency, a tangible measure of value and desire.

Preparation of Chocolate or Xocolatl

The preparation of xocolatl was a ritual in itself. This took a meticulous process that involved roasting and grinding cacao beans into a paste. This paste was then mixed with water and spices, along with nixtamalized cornmeal for thickening. This ancient, labor-intensive method produced a concoction that  had undeniable, potent effects on the mind and body. However, it was also far removed from the sugary sweetness of modern chocolate.

The frothy beverage, often spiced with chili peppers and vanilla, was a complex blend of bitterness and heat. Xocolatl was a a sensory experience that stimulated passion in the brain. This was especially powerful when combined with the effects of spiritual rituals. 

As the bitter liquid coursed through the veins of its consumers, it was believed to trigger the release of mood-enhancing chemicals within the brain. 

How Does Chocolate Stimulate the Brain?

Phenylethylamine is a compound found in chocolate. This compound is known to stimulate the same neurological pathways as falling in love or experiencing intense attraction. 

Anandamide, another compound, induces a state of bliss, its name derived from the Sanskrit word for joy or delight. These scientific findings lend at least some credence to chocolate’s sexy reputation.

So when I say a decadent chocolate cake tastes like “love,” I most certainly mean it.

Even modern day chocolate can prove to be a multi-sensory experience! While it may be sweet, sometimes cloyingly so, it also provides savory undertones to satisfy all senses of your palate. Now you know–a taste of this treat has the power to evoke the most delicious cocktail of brain chemicals!

Today, chocolate remains a symbol of romance and pleasure. Somehow, throughout the trials of time, the decadent treat still proves it’s a true descendant of the sacred xocolatl. While the recipe has evolved to suit sweeter tastes, the essence of chocolate’s allure persists. Chocolate continues to be a universal language of love, a key to unlocking desire, and always proves to be the perfect romantic gift.

Experience the enduring power of ancient wisdom, yourself, this Valentine’s Day. Enjoy a bite or three, before you seal the deal! 💋 


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How To Practice Self-Love, Even when you Can’t

My journey to self-love has been arduous. I consider this heavily, when people have asked me about How To Practice Self-Love, Even when you Can’t. I’ve been thinking about this topic for weeks, meditating on the possibilities and the journey.

I’ll tell you something funny; I had this basically written before I sat down to do the final draft of this. Then I had one big realization: Self-Love is self-care, and everything you do to take care of yourself. That’s right–everything. Even the little things. I had to re-work this whole thing, before I shared my thoughts with you!

For this blog, I wish to focus on what self-love is, so you can find for yourself how to love yourself, in spite of your flaws. So, if you ask me how to love yourself, even when you cannot? I would ask you, “why not?” In this blog, I’ll be discussing why and how I arrived at that question.

How to Practice Self-Love When You Cannot

When I first started on my self-love journey, I didn’t expect that it would be so healing. While I still struggle with self-perception issues, I have put forth effort into changing my brain patterns to shift into hate just because I perceive myself in a negative way.

I also did not expect that practicing self-love would enrich the relationships with those around me, allowing me to bring people into my life that cared for me.

Starting to give yourself self-love can feel uncomfortable at times. For real–try looking in the mirror and say, “I Love You”. Try it! This is especially true, if it’s something you’ve never really practiced before. You don’t need to do this to learn how to practice self-love, but it really drives home how you feel about yourself. 🫠

However, the GOOD news is, that it’s definitely possible to re-condition your brain patterns to begin the shift. This blog intends to outline areas you can evaluate and improve, to see yourself in a new light.

Sometimes I believe the problem with not being able to practice self-love is 1), determining what self-love is TO YOU, and 2), learning to love yourself with your faults.

It’s all about creating new brain patterns full of kindness and patience towards yourself. Here are a few things to think about on your path to self-love:

Are you Willing?

This first starts with WILLINGNESS. You cannot achieve self-love if you are not willing to try self-love. The fact that you clicked on this blog from a search engine or via my social media, tells me that you’re at least willing enough to learn about it.

Think of self-love like a garden. You need to plant the seeds first. If you don’t even plant the seeds, what do you think is going to grow?

Assess Yourself With Intention

If you want to practice self-love, you can make it a goal to love yourself unconditionally. Understand first, however, that this takes conditioning and time. You have to be okay with the process and journey.

Remember, the first step here is being willing to actually do it. Then you have to learn to recognize where you’re filling yourself with negativity.

We’re usually taught to be ashamed of our flaws. Have you done anything to yourself that is unforgivable? Probably not. Sure, I may have let myself stay in relationships for too long, I’ve made mistakes, or I may have been unfair to myself. However, one must actively forgive themselves for past mistakes. The only person you need to forgive is yourself. No one else.

Everyone makes errors and that dwelling on them hinders self-acceptance. Do you hate your loved ones for errors they make?

Love is in the Little Things

One thing that contributes to my daily practice of self-love, is trying to focus on small, compassionate acts toward myself. Even if those small things don’t feel like “love” in the traditional sense.

It could be something like letting yourself rest when you’re exhausted, forgiving yourself for mistakes, or just being gentle with your inner dialogue instead of being too harsh. Take a moment each day to acknowledge something you like about yourself. Even if it’s hard. This is the first step of many you’ll take in this journey.

Ever buy someone you love a candy bar just because you’re thinking of them? Buy yourself one, too! Just considering your sensibilities for a moment, is a small act of self-love.

Loving Yourself Without Condition, How to Practice Self-Love

You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Growth or needing growth is not a reflection of tour worth. Forgive yourself for things that you may feel responsible. Accepting that you’re not perfect is SELF-LOVE 💋

Your faults and struggles with your body aren’t going away. I still see myself in a dozen negative ways, and I struggle to unsee them. Sure, I may not love my stretch marks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to moisturize my skin, maintain hygiene, and care for myself the way I would want someone I loved to do so.

I’d never lose my love for someone, just because of perceived flaws. Why should I treat myself like that?

Assess Relationships and Boundaries

Do you have people in your life that tell you negative things about yourself, or always ask too much of you? Are you a recovering people-pleaser?

Having a supportive and healthy environment is really helpful in healing trauma on the path to loving yourself. Finding your people is very difficult, but it is even harder when you’re choosing self-loathing.

Self-love often means respecting your own limits. Learning to say “no” when you need to, whether it’s to people, work, or even your own inner demands, can be a powerful way to show yourself some love and care. It’s about prioritizing your own well-being. This is something I highly recommend professional help in pursuing for behavior change.

You’d defend someone you loved. Start by defending yourself.

Take Care of Your Body

This isn’t about changing how you look, but about treating your body with care and respect.

I used to think I couldn’t love myself because of my body. I am still not happy with my body, but I am definitely not allowing that to keep me from standing up for myself and taking care of myself!

Would you want someone you loved not to defend themselves, simply because they didn’t like themselves?

Show Up Like You Would for Someone Else You Love

No–not like people who have wronged you. How would YOU show up for someone you love?

Show up for yourself like that. Even if it’s hard. No one else can make the choice for you. People can love you, but they cannot make you love yourself. Bring yourself joy! You are far more powerful than you realize, because you’re capable of this. Even if you’re telling yourself right now that you’re not.

Remember; it’s a process. And it’s not an easy one.

Loving myself taught me how to love others better. It was a conscious choice, and I did the work. I’m still doing the work, because it never ends.

It’s not about whether you can or can’t love yourself. You have to first understand what self-love is, and how you can practice self-love. It’s a matter of treating yourself with care, even if you aren’t happy with something. Would you treat someone else you loved like this? Would you be this unfair to them?

The reality I had to accept was, that we are always a work in progress, and sometimes self-love is a mountain to climb. The more and more you pour into yourself, the better. One day you’ll look back, and see how your boundaries have saved you.

Learning how to practice self-love can take years, but there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

 


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