How to Feel Sexier – 5 Perspectives for a Body Positive Mindset

Want to learn how to feel sexier? If you’re struggling to feel sexy, babe– you are not alone! As I have grown older, I have realized how sexiness is not one-dimensional. Conventional attractiveness or not, love isn’t only exclusive to the most beautiful among us. There are dozens of things that go into attraction!

When battling with my body throughout the years–going from size-to-size–I have found that there isn’t a great way to escape self-criticism without intentional conditioning. I remember when I was in my early twenties, I had an undiagnosed disorder. It caused me to gain weight and also kept me from losing weight.

How to Feel Sexier – Conditioned Self-Love

One evening, I was out having an excellent time with an old friend. She and I took photos together, we imbibed, and had a fabulous girls’ night. When the photos were unveiled, I was horrifyingly embarrassed by my relaxed GUT.

Okay, it was more than “relaxed”.

The kicker: she was a larger girl. When she went to intentionally lose weight some months later, she used that same photo of us, as her BEFORE photo. While demonstrating her weight loss in a solo “After” photo.

She LEFT me in the photo. There I was gazing at my unaddressed gut, while my friend flaunted her new body. Pictured right next to me, no less!

Naturally, feeling self-conscious, I asked her to crop me out. She declined. I was absolutely stewing inside and felt humiliated, but the experience clearly left a mark. In spite of such Mean Girl behavior, I took it with about as much grace as anyone could muster, and dropped it.

Framed this way, it was certainly humiliating. Though, looking back, it was less about my appearance than it was about my friendship. However, I do still wonder if I would have had an easier time swallowing it then, had I managed to accept my body for what it was.

People and society have ways to bring us down, and show us our insecurities. And sometimes the wrong people do it on purpose, when none of it matters. Now, I am glad body positivity exists, because it certainly helped me accept my body along the way, in my own personal health journey.

Here are the things I have kept in mind over the years to keep my head straight, regardless of my size:

5 Perspectives for a Body Positive Mindset

Add Something Sensually Inspired Into Your Daily Routine: 

In terms of how to feel sexier, this has the most immediate effects. Put on something that looks good on you. Wear the perfume you bought for special occasions. Wear that bold lipstick you’ve been putting off wearing. Sometimes a little red lipstick goes a long way. Ain’t nothing a little red lipstick can’t fix.

Put on those sexy panties. You deserve to feel good.

Move your body.

Even in a larger body, you should be moving. Practicing movement at every stage in your body acceptance journey is helpful! Not only does exercise boost feel-good chemicals known as endorphins, but it keeps you mobile, keeps you healthy, and you’ll get stronger overtime.

Move as much as you are able. It has many positive effects! Even if it’s just a sensual dance around your apartment, put on that music and enjoy it for once.

Curate Your Exposure.

I’ve been working in the adult industry for many years now. I can tell you a few things: there is no single type of “attractive”. I have seen hundreds of pornstars cycle through, during my time working in the industry. One thing I can say is that they ALL look different. Thick girls, plain girls, small tits, BBW, big tits, fake tits, saggy tits, bellies, 6 packs, fit women, blonde, brunette, redhead, tall, thin, petite, AMAZON–it’s all there!

I want you to remember that your vastness renders cameras useless, and the sight of you would make even the mountains lose their breath.

-Whitney Hanson

Don’t Project It On Your Partner.

Hey, if they caused you to feel a certain way about your body, that’s another story altogether. If you’re in a healthy relationship, they most likely did not.

Your partner chose to love you. Give them some grace, and ask for them to give you some, too! It’s perfectly normal to have feelings of inadequacy in a relationship, but they can be resolved with love and patience on both sides.

Be open with them, so they can understand. If it’s affecting your relationship, remember that your partner loves you. They fell in love with you and your body as it already was, and that’s incredibly special! Give them some grace and trust that they do actually want to sleep with you.

Oh, and let your partner touch you in the spots you hate. In my experience, they do so because they like them!

Honor your Multitudes, Loving Yourself

As for that old photo of myself? I can still see that  photo, adjacent to my newly fit friend, in my 20s–it’s burned in my brain. My weight has fluctuated through the years. As a woman who has been each size from 8-22, I have had many struggles with my body, and am learning to embrace the flaws. At every size, there is someone telling you that you’re not good enough somewhere. The only escape you can make is by making a choice. You must make a choice to consciously un-learn self-hatred.

Look at the people you love. Are you judging their fat rolls? Do you think less of them for their stretch marks? Remember, those who love you do not see your imperfections the way you do. You’re sexy and whole, and full of flaws and beauty.

God, have you ever SEEN your smile? You do this thing when you laugh! It makes me grin from ear to ear. 🥰.

Body positivity does have an impact on how we view ourselves sexually, and our overall self-esteem. Body acceptance comes with age, but can be created with intentional habits focused on the actual reality of your situation. Remember, you contain multitudes. Self-love may take a little work, but you deserve to love yourself as much as you deserve to receive love from others! And if you need more body positivity tips, you’ll love my friend over at Buzzing Babe, with a blog full of positive affirmations, and more sex toy reviews!

You are so much more than your body, and so much sexier than you even realize. Even then, your body is beautiful and worth the pleasure that life offers. You just have to believe it, accept it, and give yourself the grace and love you deserve.

@whitneyhansonpoetryi’ve been hard on myself lately and i wrote this because i needed it.♬ original sound – Whitney Hanson

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