When Love and Death Embrace – Flirtation at the Threshold

Silence speaks so loudly, and in my silence I was able to sit in deep reflection.

During my hiatus from this site, I was off observing and navigating complicated emotions through the toughest life decisions.

Instead of immersing myself in the world of fantasy and seduction, as I am known to do, I’ve been holding vigil. I took the time to sit with someone I loved during his final days–I spent the entirety of my hiatus by my father’s side.

Being fortunate to spend this time with him, I found inspiration and enlightenment in the most bittersweet of ways, witnessing the most unexpected love story.

This is a story about the gentle, flirtatious spark that stayed alive in my father as he made his journey through his final moments on the mortal coil.

I’m in love with you–and it’s crushing my heart

I founded Peach Kisser with the intent to explore love in all its aspects, with a focus on eroticism and sexuality. We aim to uncover stories and essays surrounding the complexities of love, such as heartache, lust, trauma, self-love and all aspects of navigating interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships. Today, we bring you some of the bittersweet moments we may find in our life journey:

“When Love and Death Embrace”.

There is a song by the now disbanded Love Metal band HIM, by that title. This band explores themes of love and death, and inspire the themes to be explored here.

Love is inspiring, even in death. Perhaps, especially so. Death is the ultimate form of longing.

When one knows their demise is imminent, they may begin bargaining, seeking, validating, hoping… There’s a search for something, whether you’re looking for a few more moments, forgiveness, or even affection.

In death, one becomes cradled in intimacy one may have never known in life.

As we make way for our own passing, we witness so much from so many different perspectives, and relationships we’ve cultivated in life. Memories flow in, and you may become wistful as you’re saying your final good-byes, tying up any loose ends.

There’s longing in the bargaining… Whether it’s wanting more time, more moments with loved ones, or perhaps a moment to experience the joy of flirtation one last time, it’s a natural feeling.

No matter the capacity, there is a certain intimacy of being present for the final moments of someone’s life. Oftentimes, when you’re at your most helpless, is when you need the most love and care.

This intimacy can come in so many forms, as we approach the inevitable.

All I want is you–to take me into your arms

My father was a sweet and deeply silly man, and was well-loved by his community. Dad was a unique character, drawing affection from many people of all ages. Before his descent into the unknown, he unfortunately lost his life partner. This meant he was bereft of emotional intimacy, in his final year and a half of life.

He very much embraced the idea of being with her again.

While he may have been romantically lonely, and in a weakened state, he was still a vivacious flirt. Nurses treated him so tenderly, as their affection for him grew. They loved his bright smile and infectious spirit. They loved how much our family loved him, and certainly took notice of the flood of visitors he commanded.

His gentle, jovial nature brought nurses from all over the unit, into his room. These nurses cried with us, supported us, hugged us, and even went as far as decorating his room for him. Even the ones who didn’t treat him made sure to stop by his room, to wave and say hello!

I take great pride that my father might have been someone’s Scrubs story–a touching patient that taught them to see life a little differently, who made them smile and laugh through tears, and treated them with kindness and joy.

When Love and Death Embrace

Dad only stayed in the hospital for a month before he was moved to an inpatient hospice facility. While he had his favorite nurse at the hospital–a gorgeous, young brunette who gave him affection and love–there was one hospice nurse that stood out in his final moments.

Upon entering hospice, he was still fairly lucid. As such, his time there was a little longer than with most patients who arrive there with a little less life to live, and a little less spirit. His brain was still strong; it was only his lungs that were failing him.

Even through his final days, dad’s flirtatious spirit shined brightly, beyond his body–which had become frail and exhausted from his journey.

I need you–please, take me into your arms

One nurse grew especially attached to him. She was a little bit older than me. In my observations, she brought him comfort he never expected, and affection that was warm and comforting, with just a touch of emotional intimacy.

She’d walk in to his room, call him handsome, and treat him with such care and tenderness. She’d sweetly embrace his face, and he always met her gaze with a sweet smile. Before his consciousness waned, he definitely flirted back, embracing her affection with joy.

One day, I even showed her photos of him when he was straight out of the military. She giggled and said she wished she was 20 years older, and that they had met when they were younger.

I joked with her–”Are you my mom now?” 😆

He gave her another very warm smile and a labored laugh, even in his weakened state. Dad was always a flirt, even in his younger days. He most definitely would have noticed her, if given the chance.

He continued to respond positively to her, throughout his care. I found myself staggered by how utterly beautiful it was, that someone can give him this type of love in his final days.

She shamelessly flirted with him, and offered him warm embraces and tenderness. She gave him the love he was sorely missing, and perhaps didn’t even know he wanted.

Love is palpable.

Touch nourishes, and affection softens us, helping to alleviate fear of the unknown–even if it isn’t death. I’ll go as far as to say: it’s completely necessary when you know you’re departing this world.

His constant flirtation, and attachments to his most favorite nurses proved to be his way of staying alive in the spiritual sense. It was his way to spread joy, giving everyone lessons of love along the way.

The tender love he received at the end of his life–I feel–gave him security we couldn’t. It gave him a sense of belonging and acceptance, even amongst the outpouring of love that was given to him by friends, family, and chosen family.

He received an intimate love we, as a family, couldn’t have provided. The love of a beautiful woman, ripe with tenderness. The desire to be seen, held, and adored is so deeply human, and beautiful to receive even in death.

Desire Never Dies

Desire doesn’t end–it evolves. Desire and love bring us comfort and joy, even if the source isn’t romantic in nature. Love and sensuality is so expansive in the way we touch hearts and lives, the way we smile, and even in the way we make someone feel adored.

Sensuality isn’t only sexual, which is the core component of the Peach Kisser mission and why I felt the need to share this with you all. Desire and the need to feel desired doesn’t disappear, even in death. Desire and sensuality expands far beyond what we know, even into the things we simply will never know.