Listen up–porn is fun. You’re not the only one curious about porn. Porn for Women, and those with more femme sensibilities, is a growing genre with more and more real pleasure, thought-out storylines, and real chemistry. More and more femmes are embracing their sexuality, and exploring the world of pornography. If we can turn you from porn-shy to at least porn-curious, we’ll consider our job here to be complete!

Getting Comfortable (For the Curious but Nervous)

If you’re just getting your toes wet, you don’t have to get buck wild! There’s content that isn’t “scary”. Softcore or romantic porn might feel more like an ideal or realistic fantasy, or more relatable. It’s an excellent way to explore your visual desires, as they bridge into your more primal nature.

Don’t be afraid to stop something if you’re not enjoying it! Begin with softcore or erotic content and gradually move on to more explicit stuff.

Finding the Right Porn (Because Not All Porn Is Created Equal)

Amongst the sea of erotic novels and romance, it’s clear that many more feminine porn watchers have a different mindset, when it comes to getting off.

Let’s be real—mainstream porn wasn’t made with us in mind. Today we wish to highlight how porn has evolved, and how to get comfortable with using it as the cherry on top of your self-care routines.

There’s so much good stuff out there if you know where to look.

Where to find Porn for Women

Start with Free Platforms to figure out what you like – Pornhub, for example, has a site devoted to Porn for Women, which features passionate sex we can all get behind. Explore niche categories that turn you on, whether it’s lesbian sex, BDSM, or even anime porn (yes, it’s a thing!).

Solo Female Pleasure – If you’re new to porn or want something sensual, solo female creators are your best bet. Think slow teasing, real orgasms, and eye contact that makes you feel seen.

Erotica & Audio Porn – Sometimes, the hottest thing isn’t visuals—it’s words. Erotic stories or ASMR-style whispers (oh hey, r/gonewildaudio) can get you dripping fast.

Female-Directed & Ethical Porn – Lust Cinema offers a more curated selection of content that’s designed to cater to women’s tastes. They offer scenes that are built with passion, and storylines that are sensible.

You won’t find any ridiculous “Pizza Boy” content here. Even their anal content is romantic. 😮‍💨

Check out my scene reviews to get an idea of what their content includes, as I cover Lust Cinema regularly. You can also view ratings from users on the websites, to check ratings from other women. Perspective is important!

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Secret Kinks – Maybe you’re into praise, power play, or voyeuristic scenarios. There’s porn for everything—so don’t be afraid to explore.

Pro Tip: Bookmark a few vids/clips that turn you on instantly. If you create a login, you may be able to save your favorites to a playlist! Your future self will thank you.

Setting the Mood (Because Masturbation Is a Ritual, Not a Chore)

Lighting & Privacy – Lock the door, dim the lights, maybe light a candle. This is your time.

Lube & Toys – Keep ‘em close. If you’re watching something especially filthy, you’ll need them immediately and getting up is a chore. 😉

Headphones – If you enjoy indulging in moans or dirty talk, amplify the experience and keep it discrete!
Just go at it – if you don’t need to romance yourself, don’t sweat it! This is all about YOU, baby.

How to Actually Use Porn (Without Feeling Weird About It)

Alleviate Pressure – You don’t have to finish, and you don’t even have to settle on a scene. Sometimes, it’s just about enjoying yourself.

Sync Your Touches – If you’re watching solo content, mirror her movements. If she’s rubbing her breasts, you rub yours. If it’s a slow, teasing scene, take your time. Match the energy. It’s excellent self-exploration.

Porn as Inspiration – Modify, fantasize, make it your own.

Masturbating to porn is all about embracing your sexuality and exploring your fantasies. This is a normal and healthy thing to enjoy. Remember: You’re Not Weird – Liking porn doesn’t make you “too much.” It makes you a woman who knows what she wants and is open to exploration.

Remember, it’s okay to be curious, and it’s okay to take control of your own pleasure. Own it! You deserve it.

Survivors know about the array of emotions flooding through you, after you leave a situation in which you were unsafe. As many victims of IPV or emotional abuse can attest, we experience a full spectrum of emotions when finally escaping these relationships. This is particularly important to understand when you’re healing, and very important to know if you have a survivor in your life. As survivors, we come with flaws. However, they’re not impossible to overcome.

While there may be joy in a lot of these relationships, there comes an accompaniment of searing pain. One day, the pain overrides the joy, rationale improves, and the survivor has a moment of clarity.

On this day, the pain overrides any joy. Eventually there is no joy to behold, because we’ve lost so much.

We’ve had our identities gutted like a fish. It becomes a secret shame.

Escaping Survival Mode – Flaws of a Survivor

Emotional abuse can be quite insidious. One day, your abuser might make a comment you suspect you are misreading, so you brush it off. This leads to you brushing off the little things. Without realizing it, your sense of self begins gently eroding.

This removes your sense of self, slowly over time. The end result can convince you that you’re wrong. It may convince you that there is something wrong with how you’re experiencing reality. When the emotional harm begins to escalate into hostility, you have already been weakened. The effects of gaslighting can create a sheath of self-doubt around your sense of self. You may even wonder, “wait, was I the narcissist?”

We Adapt To Survive

Eventually, we adapt to these emotional cycles, which can put someone into survival mode. This means your brain is constantly on edge, for fear of what’s coming next.

Recognizing the brain patterns and emotional cycles is critical, to finally breaking-free mentally, from the situation. When you do finally escape, and the dust begins to settle, you may find that your head is getting clearer. Maybe your short-term memory improves after a few months. Maybe you’re less moody, and reactive.

Once we can recognize the cycles and our triggers within survival mode, that grants us the greatest opportunity to heal. For this, I recommend keeping a journal, for intentional healing. Note your reactions to other people, things, and situations.

Once everything is laid out for you to see, you’ll learn to sift out the noise, and find the patterns you created in order to survive. Recognizing the brain patterns is critical to undoing them, and getting yourself on the road to recovery.

Self Love & Remembering Who We Are – Flaws of a Survivor

As we sit there, in recovery from the trauma of abuse, you may wonder how to get out of it. There is a haze surrounding those first few moments–or even months–of freedom. When you’re no longer struggling to survive, you are well on your way to recovery.

Managing the “Flaws of a Survivor” you may have takes intentional work, but remembering who you are is worth the work.

Put yourself into perspective, when you’re getting out of a poor relationship. You’re vulnerable, whether you realize it or not. Your protective mechanisms may not be as strong. In some cases, they may be icon clad. However you may feel, it’s wise to give yourself time to survey the damage.

Be careful of self-criticism, and recognize that it’s from the perspective of someone who has been hurt. If this was one of your loved ones, would you treat them that way? Give yourself the grace you deserve when dealing with your flaws.

To quote myself in another post: You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Growth or needing growth is not a reflection of your worth. Forgive yourself for things, of which you may feel responsible. Accepting that you’re not perfect is SELF-LOVE. 💋

Remember What You Deserve–Even If You’re Flawed

Loving an imperfect person perfectly taught me to love myself in spite of my own imperfections, teaching me that it is possible to love someone with the flaws of a survivor. I was flawed before I was a survivor, and I didn’t love myself. Self-love was not even something I knew existed, which means I never learned how to love myself.

Having spent many nights with tears in my eyes, and many mornings fearful of what I would awaken to, I now wake up with joy. Sleeping and waking with tears and fear was so profoundly impactful. But now I’m healing.

Then one day, you’ll remember who the F#CK you are! So, take the first step. Be honest with your self-assessment. You’ll be surprised by how far that gets you. ❤️

Welcome to yet another edition of Beyond the DD, where I write about my life as a woman with breasts that… outsize much of the competition. This is a series about Big Boob Problems, and the joys and sorrows that come with accepting your body as it is–even if it’s something that’s considered desirable.

If you’ve been with me since Part 1, we’ve unveiled how I got here, and invasive staring in Part 2. Today I am ready to discuss the more practical aspects of a simultaneously BIG and small part of my life.

While owning a spectacular set of breasts, it does come with a number of negative aspects that cannot be ignored, along with the positive. Today, I am going to unpack impacts on physical and mental health surrounding the …”support” of big ol’ honker ownership; Pain, Surgery, and Self-Acceptance.

Check out the Full Beyond the DD Series.

Big Boob Problems – They’re a Pain

Many of us, myself included, spent time in their teenage years wishing for larger breasts. This was practically a rite of passage in the 90s. Little did I realize, back when I was wielding lil’ b-cups, that I would end up as an all-natural anomaly; a top-heavy princess with a spine that grapples with the weight it must bear.

Specifically, this pair is a pain in my neck and shoulder muscles. I frequently wince, whenever I see feminists discuss how we should all go bra-less. My poor neck! My poor spine! 😣 “Not me,” I beg. I like to keep these things lovingly packed away, so my shoulders aren’t bearing the load.

When I am not manning the “equipment” properly, I am left in sizeable amounts of pain. My left shoulder seems to struggle the most, but my spine as a whole has left chiropractors aghast, wondering exactly what’s happened to me.

Sirs, I’m sorry. But can you NOT see what you’re dealing with? As one can imagine, manning the equipment involves costly materials one cannot simply just purchase as the local department store.

Big Boob Problems – Bras are Spendy

While I adore the fashionable designs from Curvy Kate, and I am able to find bras in sister sizes that function properly, even though not every bra suits every occasion. This fact is far more apparent, when you have larger breasts.

Some clothes just look ridiculous, in a bra that prioritizes fashion. They’re never quite cut right. Many of them designed for larger gals offer FULL coverage, which doesn’t even look good under a t-shirt.

While proper sizing works to make my hourglass more apparent, sometimes I just don’t want all the attention. They always keep my breasts festooned beautifully, in their full glory, as God intended. They’re front-and-center and begging to be seen.

While it may be fun to show off once in a while, most of the time these things just get in the way. Thus I have resorted to several means to control them appropriately, depending on the circumstances.

Minimizers Are a Godsend

Many days–particularly in polite company–I prefer to wear a minimizing bra. This may sound uncomfortable, but you’re going to have to hear me out. Especially if you’re a big boobied lady, yourself!

Minimizer bras are by far the most flexible item in my lingerie chest. Not only does the right minimizer still look good under most clothes, but it is not a totally miserable experience. Though, I will say, minimizing bras are the only reason I have begin to understand why women love taking their bras off at the end of the day. However, these bad boys can take about 3-4 inches off the width of my bustline! 😱

Be that as it may, I value what they add to my overall look and figure. As for day-to-day comfort, I keep them strapped down and out of my business with sports bras. Even then, they don’t always offer the support necessary to keep my shoulders from straining. Sometimes, I require reinforcements in the form of a second sports bra. Or simply putting on a regular, uncomfortable bra.

It can be a sensory nightmare. 😅

Big Boob Problems – What About Breast Reduction?

Those who have loved me intimately preferred for me to keep such sizeable mounds, as I have entertained the idea of surgery. The truth, however, is quite simple; I am not ready to part with them.

They may be a pain, they may get in the way, but it’s my BODY. These breasts are mine, and I love them just like I love the other parts of myself that make me, ME.

While I have had both major and minor surgeries in my life, voluntary surgery is not something I have the time or energy to recover from. Not to mention, if you read Part 1 of this series, you’ll know I have a number of health issues that may make healing and recovery a far more arduous journey, than it would if I was a fully healthy person.

Accepting The Problems & My Body

While they may be a pain, and they may be worth a reduction, it is up to me to maintain my health with my naturally gifted body. This is why I must maintain a strong back, and why I must eat healthily as an adult, to keep my bones in tip-top shape.

Part of self-acceptance sometimes means accepting things that are inconvenient. While I may have once wished to own two luscious mounds of joy upon my chest, actually developing them has taught me a crucial life lesson: “Be Careful What You Wish For, Because You Just Might Get It”!

Sometimes we’re struck with epiphanies throughout our healing processes, that help facilitate alleviating the heavy load you bear while healing from traumatic relationships. The process of healing seems to stagnate, until one day you have a new realization that’s been buried, and waiting for discovery. Recently I was struck with one such epiphany that hit me like a load of bricks:

I thought to myself, “Would they have been MEMORABLE if he didn’t ABUSE me?” Then, I took a deep, raggedy breath.

At that moment, I felt a flood of chemicals flowing into my brain. I continued my train of thoughts: “Did he even have anything to offer aside from the abuse?” In my experience, he did not. Once that epiphany flooded my sensibilities, I felt slightly more free from the suffocation from this particular trauma.

This isn’t always the case, but for many of us, it takes a shift in perspective to break-free from the trauma we’ve experienced.

Healing from Traumatic Relationships – Reconciling My Abuser

Many of us, who have experienced trauma from an abusive romantic relationship, struggle to break free of the pain that was inflicted upon us. In some cases, we retain a level of attachment to our abusers, When you realize you chose to overlook their flaws to see the good in them, you’re realize even moreso that you lowered your standards for them.

In my experience, I definitely lowered my standards to be with someone. When I entered this particular former relationship, I was in an extremely dark place after a total heartbreak, with someone who also didn’t deserve me.

My self-esteem was in hell.

Looking back, it was worse than I realized. This person seemed like he wanted to bring me joy. We had so much fun together! We moved so quickly, that I was barely able to catch my breath before I found myself knee deep in emotional commitment.

I was trapped. I stopped going out. The abuse was so egregious–and so frequent–it caused the autoimmune disease I already had to go measurably out of control, from the enormous stress. In fact, I’m still dealing with the impacts of this on my health, 4 years later.

When I had the aforementioned epiphany, I realized this man had absolutely nothing to offer! He really ended up being no more than a step above a “hobosexual”. He wasn’t attractive to begin with, and then he had gained a substantial amount of weight. It made him feel worse about himself than he already did. We couldn’t even have sex anymore, due to both his weight and his self-esteem! He didn’t cook, didn’t clean, stayed underemployed, and didn’t even help with his own child that would visit us.

Couldn’t he have at least been good to look at?! 🤣

You weren’t played, like you may think.

Abusive people rarely show their true colors from the start. You didn’t deserve the abuse, but you do deserve to heal, to love yourself, and to find happiness. Let’s acknowledge that you were strong enough to survive, and move forward.

Finding Love After Trauma

Healing from traumatic relationships is a messy, dirty business. Healing on purpose is a true act of self-love. When it feels like you’re trudging through the mud of traumatic memories, it can feel quite crushing. But then, something-or someone!-comes along and jolts you awake, forcing you to confront the darkness head-on.

There are a few things to consider, when it comes to loving yourself and others again.

• Practicing self-love is crucial. If you’re struggling on the path to self-love, please check out my blog How To Practice Self-Love, Even When You Can’t, to learn how to help get started in creating healthier brain patterns.
• Trusting someone will feel like dying; but you’re not. Learning what the red flags are of an abusive person is important, but try not to do the “shoot first; ask questions later” thing. That is never productive, and can harm more than it heals.
• Healing from traumatic relationships will take longer than you think; but that’s okay. You still deserve love!
• If a relationship is your end goal, you should be aware that some parts of healing can only occur when you’re actively in a relationship. The reason being is that when you’re single, there is no one capable of pushing the buttons your former partner used to push.

Sometimes, all it takes is a moment of clarity to realize just how utterly insignificant they truly are and were.

Healing is a work-in-progress, but it’s also a conscious decision. At least, it has been for me. I’ve been through therapy, I read books, deconstructed brain patterns, and actively worked to give myself the love I deserved.

Clearing The Brain Fog

When you’re healing from trauma, suddenly, something may shift. You may wake up, the fog will lift and grant you clarity you needed to move forward. This realization was both humbling and empowering for me, which awakened me to the true nature of my abuser.

You still have to unpack the trauma, and lick the wounds that have been festering for so long. Think of minimizing your abuser as a radical tool for reframing abuse – a gift that can help you rise above the pain. Like a fleeting orgasm, their power over us dissipates, leaving behind a sense of our own strength and safety. And maybe a little euphoria. 😉

I want you to know that it’s not your fault. You didn’t ask to be hurt, used, and have your feelings discarded. You were taken advantage of, and that’s not something to be ashamed of; it’s a testament to your heart.

Wanna break out of your shell? Are you tired of playing it safe and suppressing your inner sass? Do you want to tap into your inner seductress and manifest a life that’s full of passion, power, and pleasure? Then it’s time to help you find your inner Jezebel. Let’s talk about how to create a vision board, to grow your fierce sensuality.

Who was Jezebel, anyway?

Jezebel was a biblical bad girl, known for her fierce independence, her love of luxury, and her unapologetic sensuality. She was a queen who refused to conform to societal norms, and instead, forged her own path. And that’s exactly what we’re going to tap into with this vision board – your inner Jezebel, the one who’s not afraid to take risks, to be bold, and to demand what she wants. Perhaps I should cover Jezebel in the next edition of Lust & Lore? Let me know in the comments!

Why Do I Need a Vision Board?

Wild women shouldn’t be tamed. As a huge fan of wild women, myself, I knew I wanted to be one. In a world that often tries to tame our wildness and stifle our desires, a vision board is a powerful tool to help you reclaim your inner Jezebel. If you’re a visual person, it helps you get clear on your vision.

A vision board is a visual representation of your desires–a collage of images, words, and textures that evoke feelings and emotions. By creating a vision board, you’re taking ownership of your outcomes. For this one, we are going to focus on your sensuality, celebrating your uniqueness, and manifesting a life that honors your deepest desires.

If nothing else, it’s a way to get a clear vision of what you want to be, or what you want to do. Sometimes we don’t know what we want, until we put it together and see it for ourselves!

How to Create a Vision Board to Find Your Inner Jezebel

Gather your materials:

• A large piece of cardboard, paper, or canvas
• Magazines, scissors, and glue
• Markers, paint, or colored pencils
• Photographs, fabrics, and other textures
• Any personal items that hold significance to your sensuality (e.g., a piece of lingerie, a rose petal, or a love letter)

Set Your Intention

Find a quiet, comfortable space where you can relax and tap into your inner world. Take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself: “What does my inner Jezebel look like? What does she want, and what does she deserve?” Allow your thoughts to flow, and write down your intentions.

Gather Your Inspiration

Flip through magazines, and cut out images that evoke feelings of sass, seduction, and empowerment. These can be images of strong women, luxurious settings, or sensual art. Collect words and phrases that resonate with your intentions, such as “unstoppable,” “fearless,” or “unapologetic.”

Create Your Vision Board

Begin arranging your images, words, and textures on your board. Group similar themes together, or create a flowing narrative that tells the story of your inner Jezebel’s journey. Add personal items that hold significance to your sensuality, and don’t be afraid to get creative with colors, shapes, and patterns.

Activate Your Board

Hang your vision board in a place where you’ll see it daily, such as your bedroom or meditation space. Take a few moments each day to gaze at your board, allowing the images and words to sink deep into your subconscious. Repeat your intentions out loud, and feel the energy of your inner Jezebel manifesting in your life.

Tips and Variations

• Create a digital vision board on Pinterest or Canva, and set it as your phone’s wallpaper or computer background.
• Invite friends over for a vision board party, and explore each other’s inner Jezebels.
• Update your vision board seasonally, reflecting your growth and evolution as a sensual being.

A vision board is a powerful tool to connect with your inner Jezebel, to manifest your desires, and to celebrate your unique sensuality. By embracing your inner Jezebel, you’re not only becoming the best version of yourself, but you’re also contributing to a world that honors and celebrates women’s power and sensuality. So, take the first step, and create a vision board today.

Ever thought about becoming the love of your own life? That sounds un-romantic as hell, but hear me out! You can do it with self-love! 👋

This last week, I saw some really inspiring posts about self-love on Threads. However, a few posts about self-love really hit my soul and I wanted to share some insights with you here on the blog. In the process, I want to give you a few steps to get you on the way to becoming the love of your own life, using these nuggets of wisdom gleaned from other creators and users of the app.

That’s right. You can become the love of your life. No, this doesn’t take away from the person you love, either. Imagine what you could accomplish, if you added a little more love to your life.

3 Self-Love Practices to Become The Love Of Your Life

The path to self-love can be uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. These are some of the philosophies that have led me down a path of self-love, and helped me heal decades of trauma and struggles with self-perception. Self-love is more of a practice, than a destination. It’s a decision you have to make for yourself. These behaviors highlighted today create a foundation for self-love to form. The reality is, you cannot rely on others to give you everything, even if they are giving you the love you deserve. You still owe yourself the same love you give others!

1) Get Cringy – Idolize Yourself

I know you’re thinking this sounds corny. And I guess it is–at least, until you take self-love seriously. But you owe it to yourself to give yourself the love that others didn’t appreciate from you. You deserve to make yourself feel good.

 

View on Threads

 

Because who the HELL else is going to do it? Even if you have to fake it, learn to get comfortable with it. Affirming behavior, while it may feel weird and unnatural at first, remember that’s just your brain patterns resisting being corrected. Go ahead–wink at yourself when you look in the mirror today. Start small. Changing thought patterns will not change overnight!

Do it until it doesn’t make you want to vomit… Anymore. 😉

2) Consider Self-Care As An Act of Self-Love

One radical thing I began to practice is loving myself the same way I’d love a partner. The more we rely on others for this validation, the more out-of-reach self-love can be. We really should be asking for more of ourselves, because we deserve that.

 

View on Threads

 

I really don’t mean that we need to work harder on our goals, or deliver feats that are beyond our limits. I mean, we should better serve ourselves, because we cannot control how other people are going to treat us. I highly recommend reading her entire post on threads, because she outlines small acts of self-care as aspects of self-love.

Self-love is so much more than saying “I love myself.”

3) Put Yourself First

There is a fine line between being selfish and putting yourself first. Some say you have to “be a little selfish,” but that’s a bit of a negative way of looking at something so beautiful. While we may still be able to love someone the way we desire to love someone, we have to also ensure we pour into ourselves. Not to mention, to also choose partners that take care of themselves, as well. But perhaps, that’s another blog post. 😉

This is yet another aspect I have gleaned from the previous point. This user finally put herself first; not their partner. Even the little things, like correctly stocking her pantry to feed herself, creating comfort, and giving herself all the things she’s previously given partners.

 

View on Threads

 

Having done all of the above, myself? I highly recommend it.

Self Love is Not a Destination 🪷

Think of the path to Self-Love like the growth of a lotus, my favorite flower.   The path to self-love is often arduous; a challenge. Sometimes this journey of growth begins, in the murky depths where light won’t penetrate. Sometimes, though, under the right conditions, new life begins to take root. You may not even notice it at first, no. It might be slow. Growth isn’t always the same as everyone else.

Though, soon, new leaves will begin to develop. This new life seeks more than the muddy depths can provide. Soon, new growth begins to emerge, seeking the light.

Soon, this growth sees just a little bit of light glimmering upon the surface of the water above it. It’s still down deep, but if you just give it enough time, it will make it. You have to be patient.

This new growth continues its journey, to seek the light. It must continue, to reach the light. Soon the leaves will have emerged from the mud, and then they finally approach the surface.

You see, even just breaking the surface could be just enough room to thrive and bloom.

Sometimes the path isn’t lit at all. Sometimes, there is only darkness, but somehow you have to keep moving. Trust the process; you’ll break the surface.

 

In the chaos we have been dealing with in the present day, it’s become more and more important to focus inward to help yourself maintain some semblance of humanity. We’re human, after all, and we all require a level of care to survive. When it comes to self-care, we often focus on the care itself being the things we don’t necessarily need.

Today, I am here to tell you that this is misguided. Self-care is also taking care of our needs, my friends.

While many of us focus on getting our nails done, having a spa day, eating a naughty little treat, or even just exercise; there’s another crucial aspect of self-care that’s often overlooked. That is our sexuality.

Today I want you to explore the art of sensual living with me, and learn more about how incorporating sensuality into our daily lives can lead to happier and more orgasmic experiences! A healthy and fulfilling sex life is essential to our overall well-being, so I am encouraging you to honor your sensual self.

Incorporating Sensuality into Everyday Activities

Sensuality is not just about sex. If you follow me on Threads, you know I talk about this frequently. Sensuality is about finding out what stimulates our senses and what gives us pleasure. This is highly individual but I am more than happy to provide a few tips to get you started.

Your personal sensuality can grow over time. Wanna start small? Here are a few ways to incorporate sensuality into your daily routine:

• Sensual Snacks: Indulge in foods that stimulate your senses, like juicy fruits, rich chocolates, or spicy cheeses. Savor each bite, and pay attention to the textures, smells, and tastes.
• Sexy Soundtracks: Put on music that makes you feel sexy and confident when you’re getting dressed or doing chores. ASMR recordings can also be a great way to unwind and tap into your sensual side.
• Self-Care Sundays: Set aside one day a week for self-care, and make it a sensual experience. Take a long, relaxing bath, give yourself a massage, or practice yoga while focusing on your breath and body.

By incorporating these small moments of sensuality into your daily life, you’ll start to feel more connected to your body and your desires.

If you want a more in-depth article, please check out my previous article about this: How-To: Sensual Self-Care; Add Sensuality to your Routines

The Importance of Mindfulness in Sensual Living

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment. You won’t be good at this right away! Mindfulness is a skill, and it can also be developed over time. Mindfulness is essential for sensual living. When we’re mindful, we’re more aware of ourselves, in both our bodies and our thoughts. This is one way to foster a deeper connection to your body, when you may not have even given it much thought, before.

Loving oneself is a critical aspect of mindfulness and sensual living. When we love and accept ourselves, we’re more likely to feel comfortable in our own skin. That leads to less distractions like worrying about the pudge in your low belly, or how your boobs hang. 😉

And if you’re not thinking of all that, your mind has a whole lot more space to do things like focus on what’s hot, ready, and in front of you!

Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing can help us cultivate self-love and self-acceptance. Remember, these are practices. You won’t be good at these things overnight! If you are looking for step-by-step guidance, let me know in the comments!

Here are a few ways mindfulness can impact orgasms:

• Increased Awareness: When we’re mindful, we’re more aware of our physical sensations.
• Reduced Stress: Mindfulness practices reduce stress, leading to less distractions.,
• Improved Communication: Mindfulness can help us communicate more effectively with our partners, building closer connections.

By incorporating mindfulness into our daily lives, we can cultivate a deeper connection with ourselves and our bodies, leading to a more sensual and fulfilling existence.

Tips for Creating a Sensual Environment at Home

Our environment can greatly impact our mood and our sensuality. Have you ever tried getting down in a roach-infested room? What about on a bed covered in food containers and books? Sorry kiddos–sex is an adult activity.

Once upon a gtime man who was 15 years my junior invited me to “come through”. 👀  While the offer may have been enticing to some cougars, I was immediately plagued with visions of beds on the floor, no linens, and a dirty bathroom. I thought, “I have linens, towels, candles, and a luxurious bathroom. Why would I want to visit some young man’s apartment?!”

I’m sorry–sex is just better when the environment is comfortable. I’m too old–and too fancy!–to lay on a mattress on the floor. Moreover, a sensual and inviting environment makes you feel a little bit more like your home is your personal oasis to enjoy. 

Here are a few tips for creating a sensual environment at home:

• Soft Lighting: Dim red lights, candles, or string lights can create a warm and inviting atmosphere. You don’t even need to use them all the time! I always keep candles around for this, because they have the added bonus of smelling delicious!
• Sensual Textures: Incorporate plush throw blankets, soft rugs, and comfortable pillows into your environment. Even if you’re not using your couch, it’s still more inviting with throw blankets or pillows on it. You may just end up hanging out on your couch more often!
• Sensual Scents: Use essential oils or scented candles to create a sensual and relaxing atmosphere. Aromatherapy is REAL! For relaxing I like a combination of palo santo, lavender, rose, and citrus scents!
• Comforting Sounds: Play soothing music in your evenings, as you wind down. I prefer music without words, to prevent distractions. Your mileage may vary.

By creating a sensual environment at home, you’ll be more likely to feel relaxed and comfortable. This can lead to stress reduction, a sense of personal joy, and it can certainly make you more comfortable and “ready” for your sensual proclivities!

What are your thoughts? How do you incorporate sensuality into your daily life, and what tips do you have for creating a sensual environment at home?

My journey to self-love has been arduous. I consider this heavily, when people have asked me about How To Practice Self-Love, Even when you Can’t. I’ve been thinking about this topic for weeks, meditating on the possibilities and the journey.

I’ll tell you something funny; I had this basically written before I sat down to do the final draft of this. Then I had one big realization: Self-Love is self-care, and everything you do to take care of yourself. That’s right–everything. Even the little things. I had to re-work this whole thing, before I shared my thoughts with you!

For this blog, I wish to focus on what self-love is, so you can find for yourself how to love yourself, in spite of your flaws. So, if you ask me how to love yourself, even when you cannot? I would ask you, “why not?” In this blog, I’ll be discussing why and how I arrived at that question.

How to Practice Self-Love When You Cannot

When I first started on my self-love journey, I didn’t expect that it would be so healing. While I still struggle with self-perception issues, I have put forth effort into changing my brain patterns to shift into hate just because I perceive myself in a negative way.

I also did not expect that practicing self-love would enrich the relationships with those around me, allowing me to bring people into my life that cared for me.

Starting to give yourself self-love can feel uncomfortable at times. For real–try looking in the mirror and say, “I Love You”. Try it! This is especially true, if it’s something you’ve never really practiced before. You don’t need to do this to learn how to practice self-love, but it really drives home how you feel about yourself. 🫠

However, the GOOD news is, that it’s definitely possible to re-condition your brain patterns to begin the shift. This blog intends to outline areas you can evaluate and improve, to see yourself in a new light.

Sometimes I believe the problem with not being able to practice self-love is 1), determining what self-love is TO YOU, and 2), learning to love yourself with your faults.

It’s all about creating new brain patterns full of kindness and patience towards yourself. Here are a few things to think about on your path to self-love:

Are you Willing?

This first starts with WILLINGNESS. You cannot achieve self-love if you are not willing to try self-love. The fact that you clicked on this blog from a search engine or via my social media, tells me that you’re at least willing enough to learn about it.

Think of self-love like a garden. You need to plant the seeds first. If you don’t even plant the seeds, what do you think is going to grow?

Assess Yourself With Intention

If you want to practice self-love, you can make it a goal to love yourself unconditionally. Understand first, however, that this takes conditioning and time. You have to be okay with the process and journey.

Remember, the first step here is being willing to actually do it. Then you have to learn to recognize where you’re filling yourself with negativity.

We’re usually taught to be ashamed of our flaws. Have you done anything to yourself that is unforgivable? Probably not. Sure, I may have let myself stay in relationships for too long, I’ve made mistakes, or I may have been unfair to myself. However, one must actively forgive themselves for past mistakes. The only person you need to forgive is yourself. No one else.

Everyone makes errors and that dwelling on them hinders self-acceptance. Do you hate your loved ones for errors they make?

Love is in the Little Things

One thing that contributes to my daily practice of self-love, is trying to focus on small, compassionate acts toward myself. Even if those small things don’t feel like “love” in the traditional sense.

It could be something like letting yourself rest when you’re exhausted, forgiving yourself for mistakes, or just being gentle with your inner dialogue instead of being too harsh. Take a moment each day to acknowledge something you like about yourself. Even if it’s hard. This is the first step of many you’ll take in this journey.

Ever buy someone you love a candy bar just because you’re thinking of them? Buy yourself one, too! Just considering your sensibilities for a moment, is a small act of self-love.

Loving Yourself Without Condition, How to Practice Self-Love

You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Growth or needing growth is not a reflection of your worth. Forgive yourself for things, of which you may feel responsible. Accepting that you’re not perfect is SELF-LOVE. 💋

Your faults and struggles with your body aren’t going away. I still see myself in a dozen negative ways, and I struggle to unsee them. Sure, I may not love my stretch marks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to moisturize my skin, maintain hygiene, and care for myself the way I would want someone I loved to do so.

I’d never lose my love for someone, just because of perceived flaws. Why should I treat myself like that?

Assess Relationships and Boundaries

Do you have people in your life that tell you negative things about yourself, or always ask too much of you? Are you a recovering people-pleaser?

Having a supportive and healthy environment is really helpful in healing trauma on the path to loving yourself. Finding your people is very difficult, but it is even harder when you’re choosing self-loathing.

Self-love often means respecting your own limits. Learning to say “no” when you need to, whether it’s to people, work, or even your own inner demands, can be a powerful way to show yourself some love and care. It’s about prioritizing your own well-being. This is something I highly recommend professional help in pursuing for behavior change.

You’d defend someone you loved. Start by defending yourself.

Take Care of Your Body

This isn’t about changing how you look, but about treating your body with care and respect.

I used to think I couldn’t love myself because of my body. I am still not happy with my body, but I am definitely not allowing that to keep me from standing up for myself and taking care of myself!

Would you want someone you loved not to defend themselves, simply because they didn’t like themselves?

Show Up Like You Would for Someone Else You Love

No–not like people who have wronged you. How would YOU show up for someone you love?

Show up for yourself like that. Even if it’s hard. No one else can make the choice for you. People can love you, but they cannot make you love yourself. Bring yourself joy! You are far more powerful than you realize, because you’re capable of this. Even if you’re telling yourself right now that you’re not.

Remember; it’s a process. And it’s not an easy one.

Loving myself taught me how to love others better. It was a conscious choice, and I did the work. I’m still doing the work, because it never ends.

It’s not about whether you can or can’t love yourself. You have to first understand what self-love is, and how you can practice self-love. It’s a matter of treating yourself with care, even if you aren’t happy with something. Would you treat someone else you loved like this? Would you be this unfair to them?

The reality I had to accept was, that we are always a work in progress, and sometimes self-love is a mountain to climb. The more and more you pour into yourself, the better. One day you’ll look back, and see how your boundaries have saved you.

Learning how to practice self-love can take years, but there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Instagram | Threads | BlueSky | TikTok

Welcome to the second volume of Pleasure Principles, the second Volume to my How To Masturbate series for those that own vaginas! Check out the first edition Pleasure Principles: Vol. 1 – Intro To The Vulva & Vagina here.

In this edition, we’ll cover the basics of sex toys. We’ll cover everything from nipple stimulators, dildos, bullets, vibrators, and clitoral suckers to get you started on your way to self-pleasure, without use of your own hands.

We’ll discuss the safest ways to use toys, how to keep them clean, and provide tips for maintaining discretion.

I’ll hold your hand. Let’s just call it “Mutual Masturbation”.

Pleasure Principles: Volume II – A Guide to Sex Toys for Vulvas and Vaginas

Nipple Stimulation

Nipple stimulators are a fantastic way to enhance your solo play sessions, with something a little atypical of many users when they learn how to masturbate. These toys work by providing intense and focused stimulation to your nipples. Here are some popular types and tips for using them safely:

• Nipple Clamps: These come in various styles, from simple clips to adjustable screw clamps. Start with beginner-friendly options and gradually explore more intense ones as you become accustomed to the sensation.These are also excellent for partner play, but that’s another blog!
• Suction Cups: These create a vacuum-like suction around your nipples, increasing blood flow and sensitivity.
• Vibrating Nipple Toys: These combine vibration with clamps or suction cups for added pleasure.

Safe Use and Cleaning:

• Always start with clean toys and hands.
• Apply a small amount of lube to the nipple area to enhance sensation and reduce friction.
• Begin with gentle pressure and gradually increase intensity as desired.
• Clean your toys after each use with warm water and mild soap or a toy cleaner.
• Store them in a cool, dry place, away from direct sunlight.

How to Masturbate with Dildos

Dildos are classic sex toys designed for penetrative pleasure. In this section, we are specifically discussing the type of dildo that is manual, requiring use of your own hand to thrust them inside of yourself. This gives you a great chance to get truly intimate with yourself and see what you REALLY like. Dildos come in various shapes, sizes, and materials to cater to different preferences. There are even thrusting dildos, themed, and vibrating toys to choose from!

Here’s how to use them safely and effectively:

• Materials: Choose body-safe materials like silicone, glass, or stainless steel.
• Sizes: Start with smaller sizes and gradually work your way up if you must! It takes time to decide what you really like.
• Lubrication: Always use a generous amount of water-based lube for smoother penetration.

Safe Use and Cleaning:

• Wash your dildo with warm water and mild soap before and after each use.
• Dry it thoroughly to prevent mold and bacteria growth.
• Store it in a clean, dry place, preferably in a toy bag or container.

Bullets and Vibrators

Bullets and vibrators are versatile toys that can be used for both clitoral and internal stimulation, depending on the type you purchase. Tip: If you purchase a bullet vibrator and want to experience the fun sensations inside of yourself without risk, put the toy inside of a condom. That will make it easier to pull out when you’re finished! Keep yourself our of the ER. 👀

Vibrators come in various shapes and sizes, with different vibration settings to cater to different preferences. I recommend choosing one with a variety of settings, to increase versatility in your experience.

Types of Vibrators:

• Bullets: Small and discreet, perfect for targeted clitoral stimulation.
• Vibrators: Larger and more versatile, suitable for both internal and external use.
• Dildo: In the shape of a dildo, but battery-powered to vibrate on command while you use it to thrust.

Safe Use and Cleaning:

• Always use a water-based lube for comfort and enhanced sensation.
• Wash your toy with warm water and mild soap after each use.
• Store it in a clean, dry place, away from direct sunlight.

Clitoral Suckers

Ah yes, my personal favorite of the bunch! Clitoral suckers use suction and vibration to provide intense clitoral stimulation. They are designed to mimic the sensation of oral sex and really amplify solo fun with new sensations you don’t usually get on your own. Choose from handheld devices or wearable options for hands-free pleasure, to choose how to masturbate. There aren’t too many variants of this toy, other than some being enabled for fully hands-free fun! Choose a model that has divverent vibration and suction settings to find your perfect rhythm.!

Make sure to check out my sex toy reviews for some of my favorite clitoral suckers.

Safe Use and Cleaning:

• Apply a small amount of water-based lube to the clitoral area for comfort and enhanced sensation.
• Wash your toy with warm water and mild soap after each use.
• Store it in a clean, dry place, away from direct sunlight.

Tips for Discretion

Maintaining privacy and discretion is essential when exploring yourself, intimately.. Here are some tips to help you keep your play sessions private:

• Soundproofing: Choose a toy that has positive reviews for sound, or go with a manual toy. Use a blanket, pillow, or towel to muffle any sounds that may emanate from your own pleasure.
• Storage: Store your toys in a discreet, locked drawer or container.
• Timing: Choose a time when you’re unlikely to be interrupted, just as you might for a meditation session. After all, orgasms are spiritual events. 😇

We hope that by understanding the basics of different types of toys and learning how to masturbate safely can go a long way in your personal self-love sessions. Stay safe, stay clean, and enjoy all the good vibrations you’ll most certainly have cumming!

With Love,

Amara

Facebook | Instagram | Threads | Bluesky | TikTok

Welcome to another edition of “Beyond the DD,” where I discuss my “Big Boob Problems” from my real life experience of having actual big boobs! This is mostly just for funsies, because I am well-aware that having larger breasts is often seen as desirable. As with many desirable things; it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be!

In Part 1 of this series, I discussed how I even inherited such a pair. In addition, I covered my range of sizes, having been all the way up to 42K at one point! Throughout my experiences, I learned much about how bra sizes work (Thank you, ABTF), and how to manage the logistics around having these two things strapped to my chest at all times.

Beyond the DD, Part 2 – Avert Your Eyes

Today, we’re discussing how much I wish people could Avert Their Eyes! 😆 If you’re a fellow busty woman, you know that bouncing boobs don’t just occur all the time. Perhaps those big mommy milkers truly ARE a marvel! Or perhaps some folks simply have not seen boobs that big before, in person.

In reality, I am somewhat small in stature, with a curvy physique. There really is no point in hammering out the reasons. The point is that it happens, and it can get quite uncomfortable at times.

Big Boob Problems – Invasive Staring

As a busty woman, I have learned to at least appear as if I have tunnel vision. It keeps me out of trouble, and keeps me from making unwanted eye contact. While I may appear aloof, trust–I am paying attention!

Be that as it may, some people truly are not as sly as they seem to think.

Men with girlfriends? You’re not slick. If your girl didn’t see you, I sure did. So does anyone I am with, including friends and romantic partners.

Have you ever had a flock of teenage boys trying to sneak a peek on the sly? Look, virgins. There are 10 of you. You look ridiculous.

Unfortunately, you have to have some level of awareness when you’re in public, as a woman. If you don’t think we’re picking up on something, most of us definitely are. Like the man I caught getting video of me at Target! 🫠

No, I Don’t Always Want to Be Perceived

On occasion, I have been known to drop a thirst trap.

However, that’s me in control of the perception. I am making a choice at that moment to be perceived in a certain way. As an introverted and mildly misanthropic person, I very likely do not want to talk to strangers. Sometimes I am in a sociable mood, and am more receptive to public attention.

These are the times when I’m dressed in line with how I want to be perceived. Though, sometimes, I wish people would just leave me alone. Then I may not feel as if I have to dress in shapeless clothes, just to avoid unwanted attention when I go to the store to pick some avocados.

Perhaps I should wear a sign!

Ain’t My Fault They’re Big

A few years ago I saw a woman online, annoyed that someone asked her to cover up. This woman was well-endowed, and was justifiably upset that someone wasn’t minding her damn business. She said, “it ain’t my fault my titties are big!”

While there may be admirers, there are also plenty of haters. If I do choose to show off what I’ve got, that’s my choice to make. Receiving hate for it is just as much of a struggle, because *I* didn’t make this choice. These BIG NATTYS came on their own, baby.

Finding My Peace

Be that as it may, these are not things I can help, in others. Just as much as they cannot help that I have big honkin’ juicy mommy milkers.

We cannot expect strangers to know and understand our boundaries. We can only do what makes us feel comfortable in any given moment, regardless of what’s happening around us. Acceptance is all about learning what you can and cannot control.

They’re exhibiting their nature. They can help how they are, but sometimes we just have to accept that some people will always be who they are and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Have you had issues accepting your body, for better or worse? Do you have Big Boob Problems? Or maybe you just like huge boobs! Let me know in the comments!

Facebook | Instagram | Threads | Bluesky | TikTok