How To Practice Self-Love, Even when you Can’t

My journey to self-love has been arduous. I consider this heavily, when people have asked me about How To Practice Self-Love, Even when you Can’t. I’ve been thinking about this topic for weeks, meditating on the possibilities and the journey.

I’ll tell you something funny; I had this basically written before I sat down to do the final draft of this. Then I had one big realization: Self-Love is self-care, and everything you do to take care of yourself. That’s right–everything. Even the little things. I had to re-work this whole thing, before I shared my thoughts with you!

For this blog, I wish to focus on what self-love is, so you can find for yourself how to love yourself, in spite of your flaws. So, if you ask me how to love yourself, even when you cannot? I would ask you, “why not?” In this blog, I’ll be discussing why and how I arrived at that question.

How to Practice Self-Love When You Cannot

When I first started on my self-love journey, I didn’t expect that it would be so healing. While I still struggle with self-perception issues, I have put forth effort into changing my brain patterns to shift into hate just because I perceive myself in a negative way.

I also did not expect that practicing self-love would enrich the relationships with those around me, allowing me to bring people into my life that cared for me.

Starting to give yourself self-love can feel uncomfortable at times. For real–try looking in the mirror and say, “I Love You”. Try it! This is especially true, if it’s something you’ve never really practiced before. You don’t need to do this to learn how to practice self-love, but it really drives home how you feel about yourself. 🫠

However, the GOOD news is, that it’s definitely possible to re-condition your brain patterns to begin the shift. This blog intends to outline areas you can evaluate and improve, to see yourself in a new light.

Sometimes I believe the problem with not being able to practice self-love is 1), determining what self-love is TO YOU, and 2), learning to love yourself with your faults.

It’s all about creating new brain patterns full of kindness and patience towards yourself. Here are a few things to think about on your path to self-love:

Are you Willing?

This first starts with WILLINGNESS. You cannot achieve self-love if you are not willing to try self-love. The fact that you clicked on this blog from a search engine or via my social media, tells me that you’re at least willing enough to learn about it.

Think of self-love like a garden. You need to plant the seeds first. If you don’t even plant the seeds, what do you think is going to grow?

Assess Yourself With Intention

If you want to practice self-love, you can make it a goal to love yourself unconditionally. Understand first, however, that this takes conditioning and time. You have to be okay with the process and journey.

Remember, the first step here is being willing to actually do it. Then you have to learn to recognize where you’re filling yourself with negativity.

We’re usually taught to be ashamed of our flaws. Have you done anything to yourself that is unforgivable? Probably not. Sure, I may have let myself stay in relationships for too long, I’ve made mistakes, or I may have been unfair to myself. However, one must actively forgive themselves for past mistakes. The only person you need to forgive is yourself. No one else.

Everyone makes errors and that dwelling on them hinders self-acceptance. Do you hate your loved ones for errors they make?

Love is in the Little Things

One thing that contributes to my daily practice of self-love, is trying to focus on small, compassionate acts toward myself. Even if those small things don’t feel like “love” in the traditional sense.

It could be something like letting yourself rest when you’re exhausted, forgiving yourself for mistakes, or just being gentle with your inner dialogue instead of being too harsh. Take a moment each day to acknowledge something you like about yourself. Even if it’s hard. This is the first step of many you’ll take in this journey.

Ever buy someone you love a candy bar just because you’re thinking of them? Buy yourself one, too! Just considering your sensibilities for a moment, is a small act of self-love.

Loving Yourself Without Condition, How to Practice Self-Love

You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Growth or needing growth is not a reflection of tour worth. Forgive yourself for things that you may feel responsible. Accepting that you’re not perfect is SELF-LOVE 💋

Your faults and struggles with your body aren’t going away. I still see myself in a dozen negative ways, and I struggle to unsee them. Sure, I may not love my stretch marks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to moisturize my skin, maintain hygiene, and care for myself the way I would want someone I loved to do so.

I’d never lose my love for someone, just because of perceived flaws. Why should I treat myself like that?

Assess Relationships and Boundaries

Do you have people in your life that tell you negative things about yourself, or always ask too much of you? Are you a recovering people-pleaser?

Having a supportive and healthy environment is really helpful in healing trauma on the path to loving yourself. Finding your people is very difficult, but it is even harder when you’re choosing self-loathing.

Self-love often means respecting your own limits. Learning to say “no” when you need to, whether it’s to people, work, or even your own inner demands, can be a powerful way to show yourself some love and care. It’s about prioritizing your own well-being. This is something I highly recommend professional help in pursuing for behavior change.

You’d defend someone you loved. Start by defending yourself.

Take Care of Your Body

This isn’t about changing how you look, but about treating your body with care and respect.

I used to think I couldn’t love myself because of my body. I am still not happy with my body, but I am definitely not allowing that to keep me from standing up for myself and taking care of myself!

Would you want someone you loved not to defend themselves, simply because they didn’t like themselves?

Show Up Like You Would for Someone Else You Love

No–not like people who have wronged you. How would YOU show up for someone you love?

Show up for yourself like that. Even if it’s hard. No one else can make the choice for you. People can love you, but they cannot make you love yourself. Bring yourself joy! You are far more powerful than you realize, because you’re capable of this. Even if you’re telling yourself right now that you’re not.

Remember; it’s a process. And it’s not an easy one.

Loving myself taught me how to love others better. It was a conscious choice, and I did the work. I’m still doing the work, because it never ends.

It’s not about whether you can or can’t love yourself. You have to first understand what self-love is, and how you can practice self-love. It’s a matter of treating yourself with care, even if you aren’t happy with something. Would you treat someone else you loved like this? Would you be this unfair to them?

The reality I had to accept was, that we are always a work in progress, and sometimes self-love is a mountain to climb. The more and more you pour into yourself, the better. One day you’ll look back, and see how your boundaries have saved you.

Learning how to practice self-love can take years, but there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Instagram | Threads | BlueSky | TikTok