As a sex marketer, I know that sex sells; but creepy vintage commercials and ads will straight up make you uncomfortable! As a lover of vintage culture as well as sex, I set out to find old ads that were deeply inappropriate, specifically in terms of sexuality.

While there are many ads that range from sexist, homophobic, racist and more, today we’re focusing on ads that straddle the lines of sexy. Perhaps this was messaging that worked at the time, but the seedy undertones of a few of these ads make me a touch queasy. Nevertheless, I have compiled ad with the hopes of making your skin crawl, at least a little! 💋

You cannot convince me that most of these advertisers didn’t know what they were doing. You can’t, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t!

Love’s Baby Soft Commercial – 1975

“So Love made Baby Soft, with the innocent scent of a cuddly clean baby who grew up very sexy,” is making my skin crawl. How is this real? How did they get this woman to agree to this? This is probably the creepy vintage commercials of the current round up. It gets better from here, I promise. 😆

“You and Your Johnson” – Johnson Boating 1980s

If you’ve not heard a single sexual thing in the last 50 years, you wouldn’t know that Johnson is often a euphemism for “penis”. To me, it sounds like he’s got quite the third leg, if you have to include it with your guest lists. 😬

World’s Largest Lemons Ad – Quick Way Bar Mix 🍋

Okay, I kind of love this ad, and I really think it’s something I need to re-create. She’s a gorgeous pin-up, with LARGE, juicy lemons! Does it get any better? I wouldn’t call this inappropriate, but I do love the euphemism for lemons.

BTW, if you love large lemons, make sure to check out my fanpages. Mine are even larger! 😉

Ballzac – 1993

Technically, I was alive when this commercial aired, but I most certainly do not remember this. The hippidy hoppity beats must have made it sound extra cool, to the kids who don’t know what a ballsack is, and also do not mind looking like one.

I almost wish they made some in “nude” tones. 😏

Spread Your Legs! 🚗

COME ON. COME. ON. You know exactly what you were doing here, Pontiac! You’re encouraging passionate, backseat action which is a crime. A good one, with no victims.

Fly Judy – 1974

There’s a lot to unpack here. Judy’s voice, sweetly explaining that she wants to be flown everywhere. Especially as she begins to undress on the beach! Was that timing incredible or what?

I cannot imagine what the editors were thinking. What were the writers thinking?! “Fly Me,” she says. Yes, baby!

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