My journey to self-love has been arduous. I consider this heavily, when people have asked me about How To Practice Self-Love, Even when you Can’t. I’ve been thinking about this topic for weeks, meditating on the possibilities and the journey.

I’ll tell you something funny; I had this basically written before I sat down to do the final draft of this. Then I had one big realization: Self-Love is self-care, and everything you do to take care of yourself. That’s right–everything. Even the little things. I had to re-work this whole thing, before I shared my thoughts with you!

For this blog, I wish to focus on what self-love is, so you can find for yourself how to love yourself, in spite of your flaws. So, if you ask me how to love yourself, even when you cannot? I would ask you, “why not?” In this blog, I’ll be discussing why and how I arrived at that question.

How to Practice Self-Love When You Cannot

When I first started on my self-love journey, I didn’t expect that it would be so healing. While I still struggle with self-perception issues, I have put forth effort into changing my brain patterns to shift into hate just because I perceive myself in a negative way.

I also did not expect that practicing self-love would enrich the relationships with those around me, allowing me to bring people into my life that cared for me.

Starting to give yourself self-love can feel uncomfortable at times. For real–try looking in the mirror and say, “I Love You”. Try it! This is especially true, if it’s something you’ve never really practiced before. You don’t need to do this to learn how to practice self-love, but it really drives home how you feel about yourself. 🫠

However, the GOOD news is, that it’s definitely possible to re-condition your brain patterns to begin the shift. This blog intends to outline areas you can evaluate and improve, to see yourself in a new light.

Sometimes I believe the problem with not being able to practice self-love is 1), determining what self-love is TO YOU, and 2), learning to love yourself with your faults.

It’s all about creating new brain patterns full of kindness and patience towards yourself. Here are a few things to think about on your path to self-love:

Are you Willing?

This first starts with WILLINGNESS. You cannot achieve self-love if you are not willing to try self-love. The fact that you clicked on this blog from a search engine or via my social media, tells me that you’re at least willing enough to learn about it.

Think of self-love like a garden. You need to plant the seeds first. If you don’t even plant the seeds, what do you think is going to grow?

Assess Yourself With Intention

If you want to practice self-love, you can make it a goal to love yourself unconditionally. Understand first, however, that this takes conditioning and time. You have to be okay with the process and journey.

Remember, the first step here is being willing to actually do it. Then you have to learn to recognize where you’re filling yourself with negativity.

We’re usually taught to be ashamed of our flaws. Have you done anything to yourself that is unforgivable? Probably not. Sure, I may have let myself stay in relationships for too long, I’ve made mistakes, or I may have been unfair to myself. However, one must actively forgive themselves for past mistakes. The only person you need to forgive is yourself. No one else.

Everyone makes errors and that dwelling on them hinders self-acceptance. Do you hate your loved ones for errors they make?

Love is in the Little Things

One thing that contributes to my daily practice of self-love, is trying to focus on small, compassionate acts toward myself. Even if those small things don’t feel like “love” in the traditional sense.

It could be something like letting yourself rest when you’re exhausted, forgiving yourself for mistakes, or just being gentle with your inner dialogue instead of being too harsh. Take a moment each day to acknowledge something you like about yourself. Even if it’s hard. This is the first step of many you’ll take in this journey.

Ever buy someone you love a candy bar just because you’re thinking of them? Buy yourself one, too! Just considering your sensibilities for a moment, is a small act of self-love.

Loving Yourself Without Condition, How to Practice Self-Love

You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Growth or needing growth is not a reflection of tour worth. Forgive yourself for things that you may feel responsible. Accepting that you’re not perfect is SELF-LOVE 💋

Your faults and struggles with your body aren’t going away. I still see myself in a dozen negative ways, and I struggle to unsee them. Sure, I may not love my stretch marks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to moisturize my skin, maintain hygiene, and care for myself the way I would want someone I loved to do so.

I’d never lose my love for someone, just because of perceived flaws. Why should I treat myself like that?

Assess Relationships and Boundaries

Do you have people in your life that tell you negative things about yourself, or always ask too much of you? Are you a recovering people-pleaser?

Having a supportive and healthy environment is really helpful in healing trauma on the path to loving yourself. Finding your people is very difficult, but it is even harder when you’re choosing self-loathing.

Self-love often means respecting your own limits. Learning to say “no” when you need to, whether it’s to people, work, or even your own inner demands, can be a powerful way to show yourself some love and care. It’s about prioritizing your own well-being. This is something I highly recommend professional help in pursuing for behavior change.

You’d defend someone you loved. Start by defending yourself.

Take Care of Your Body

This isn’t about changing how you look, but about treating your body with care and respect.

I used to think I couldn’t love myself because of my body. I am still not happy with my body, but I am definitely not allowing that to keep me from standing up for myself and taking care of myself!

Would you want someone you loved not to defend themselves, simply because they didn’t like themselves?

Show Up Like You Would for Someone Else You Love

No–not like people who have wronged you. How would YOU show up for someone you love?

Show up for yourself like that. Even if it’s hard. No one else can make the choice for you. People can love you, but they cannot make you love yourself. Bring yourself joy! You are far more powerful than you realize, because you’re capable of this. Even if you’re telling yourself right now that you’re not.

Remember; it’s a process. And it’s not an easy one.

Loving myself taught me how to love others better. It was a conscious choice, and I did the work. I’m still doing the work, because it never ends.

It’s not about whether you can or can’t love yourself. You have to first understand what self-love is, and how you can practice self-love. It’s a matter of treating yourself with care, even if you aren’t happy with something. Would you treat someone else you loved like this? Would you be this unfair to them?

The reality I had to accept was, that we are always a work in progress, and sometimes self-love is a mountain to climb. The more and more you pour into yourself, the better. One day you’ll look back, and see how your boundaries have saved you.

Learning how to practice self-love can take years, but there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

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As the leaves turn golden and the air grows crisp, the fall season whispers secrets of transformation and introspection. It’s a time to let go of the old and embrace the new, to cozy up with a warm cup of cider and reflect on the journey thus far. But amidst the hustle and bustle of harvest season, it’s easy to forget the most important thing: our own sensuality. It’s time to strap in and speak to ourselves as the year comes to a close, and focus on Autumn Self-Care.

In this post, we’ll explore the beauty of embracing our sensuality during the fall season. We’ll delve into the world of sensual self-care, savoring the flavors of fall, engaging our senses through style, fall fitness, sensual exploration, autumnal aromatherapy, connecting with the earth, and reflective journaling.

Enjoy Sensual Autumn Self-Care to Stay Connected to Yourself

• Sensual self-care rituals for fall
• Savoring the flavors of fall through sensual eating
• Engaging the senses through style and fashion
• Fall fitness routines that focus on intention and body awareness
• Sensual exploration and play for a deeper connection with oneself
• Autumnal aromatherapy for a cozy atmosphere
• Grounding practices to connect with the earth
• Reflective journaling prompts for self-discovery and growth
• Sensual Self-Care Rituals for Fall

As the weather cools, our skin begins to crave nourishment and comfort. Create a fall-themed self-care routine that incorporates seasonal ingredients like pumpkin and cinnamon into your body scrubs and face masks. Light candles and snuggle up with a good book, allowing the soft glow to warm your skin and soothe your senses.

Savoring the Flavors of Fall

Fall is a season of abundance, and our plates should reflect that. Incorporate seasonal produce into your meals, focusing on the textures and flavors that awaken your senses. Try recipes that feature ingredients like figs, pomegranates, and dark chocolate – known aphrodisiacs that will leave you feeling satisfied and sensual.

Engaging the Senses Through Style

As the weather cools, our fashion choices can become more intentional. Experiment with fall fashion that feels good against the skin, like soft knits, silk scarves, and leather boots. Don’t be afraid to layer up and slowly undress, savoring the sensation of each piece of clothing as it’s removed.

Fall Fitness: Moving with Intention

Fall is the perfect time to get outside and connect with nature. Try hiking or yoga in the crisp fall air, focusing on the sensation of your feet touching the earth and the wind in your hair. For indoor workouts, focus on fluid movements and body awareness, like Pilates or dance.

Autumn Self Care – Sensual Exploration and Play

Fall is a season of exploration and discovery. Try new erotic activities, like temperature play with ice or warm oils, or experiment with different types of sensual touch. Take the time to connect with your body and desires, and don’t be afraid to try something new. Even solo!

Autumnal Aromatherapy

The scents of fall are warm and inviting, evoking feelings of coziness and comfort. Try diffusing essential oils like sandalwood, vanilla, and clove to create a sensual atmosphere. You can also create homemade room sprays featuring these scents to evoke the essence of fall.

Connecting with the Earth

Fall is a season of harvest and abundance, and our connection to the earth should reflect that. Try grounding practices like walking barefoot on fallen leaves or meditating outdoors. Take the time to connect with the natural world and its cycles, and allow that connection to inform your sensuality.

Reflective Journaling

As the seasons change, take the time to reflect on your journey thus far. Ask yourself questions like “What am I grateful for?” “What do I desire?” and “What do I need to let go of?” Document your sensual journey through the fall season, and watch as you grow and transform.

Embracing our sensuality during the fall season is a radical act of self-love. It’s a reminder that our bodies are worthy of pleasure and comfort, and that our desires are valid and important. As the leaves turn golden and the air grows crisp, take the time to connect with your sensuality and allow it to guide you through the season.

What is Sitophilia? If you’re hungry for an answer, we can help you dabble in this savory sensation. Who knows? Maybe we’ll awaken something new in the process! Bon appétit!

Sitophilia, a term derived from the Greek words “sitos” (food) and “philia” (love), refers to a sexual fascination with food, eating, or being fed. This unique fetish transcends the conventional boundaries of sexuality, blurring the lines between sustenance and seduction. In this article, we’ll delve into the world of sitophilia, exploring its nuances and providing ideas for those interested in exploring this fascinating aspect of human sexuality.

Sitophilia: Unraveling the Fascination with Food and Sex

At its core, sitophilia is about the eroticization of food and the act of consumption. It can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Sexual arousal from watching someone eat or being fed
• Fantasizing about food-related scenarios, like being fed by a dominant partner or engaging in food play
• Using food as a prop or tool for sexual stimulation
• Associating specific foods with sexual pleasure or intimacy
• Exploring Sitophilia, SOLO

Are you wanting to give Sitophilia a try? Here are some naughty ideas to tempt your tastebuds!

Partnered Food Play:

Experiment with different textures, temperatures, and sensations. Try feeding yourself or a partner with your hands, using utensils, or even incorporating food into foreplay. Fun foods to try include cut up fruits, sauces, jello, whipped cream, and even ice cream to combine sitophilia with a little temperature play!

Explore the role of food in power play scenarios, such as a dominant partner feeding a submissive one. This can add an exciting layer of complexity to your sitophilic exploration.

Sensual Dining:

Set up a romantic dinner with a partner, focusing on the sensory experience of eating together. Pay attention to the sounds, smells, and tastes, and see how it heightens your intimacy. You can do it in silence, and under candlelight to set the mood. Let your senses take over, you hedonist! 🤭

Food Fantasies:

Have you simply let yourself drift off into fantasy? Write down your food-related fantasies, no matter how unusual they may seem. This can help you identify patterns and desires, allowing you to explore them further.

Sensory Deprivation:

Try eating in the dark or blindfolded, heightening your sense of touch and smell. This can create a new, intense experience. You can do this by yourself, or with a partner. Take the time to enjoy the textures and flavors of the food you’ve prepared.

Remember: Sitophilia, like any fetish, requires consent, respect, and open communication with your partner(s). Ensure that all parties involved are comfortable and willing to engage in these activities. As you venture into the world of sitophilia, remember to prioritize your comfort, safety, and boundaries. This fascinating aspect of human sexuality offers a unique opportunity to explore new dimensions of intimacy and pleasure. By embracing your curiosity and creativity, you can unlock a richer, more satisfying sexual experience.

The Alchemy of Love – A Love Letter to My Past

While I have never been keen on dating advice, I am also not one to hide my stories and share what I have learned. While I may not share these stories with anyone unprompted, I felt inspired to write a bit about how I have learned to become a better partner, find an ideal partner, and how I’ve managed to keep faith in love, in spite of the pain and sorrow peppered throughout my love life lore.

In my age and wisdom, I have found that when it comes to love, age has come with wisdom. That wisdom came from loving freely, and believing completely that giving love meant that I should expect it in return.

Well, love doesn’t quite work like that.

Perhaps it’s the current astrological transits, or perhaps because I’m ruminating on getting older. Perhaps it’s the feeling of finally being in a loving, safe situation with the actual ideal partner. Whatever it may be, I have found myself reflecting on the dramatics of my love life, from passionate nights to heavy traumas, and how they have impacted me as the partner I have become.

As I reflect on my ability to fully comprehend the joy of my life, I find I was not always this amorous. This time, I have found myself reflecting on past mistakes, triumphs, and glories that have led me to this place in my life where I finally feel secure. I feel loved, and appreciated and experience passion every day of my life, and I wouldn’t have manifested this without learning from my mistakes. One critical portion of my unsolicited dating advice: learn from your mistakes.

Alchemy is the practice of taking something; an object, a thought, a desire, and turning it into something new. It’s the magical process of transformation, creation, or combination. And all you need is to see love and life for what it is, in actuality.

Experiencing Romantic Love 

This could be a controversial statement, but: Love is not unusual, nor is it hard to find. Good, honest love is hard to find, but love itself?

Working with the belief that LOVE is as much of an emotion as it is an action and activity to participate in, helps put things into perspective. It’s easy to have a bad relationship and think you didn’t LOVE that person.

Sometimes that action, in love, is simply “being in a relationship” or “enjoying a passionate night together”. You can find love anywhere. You can find sexual passion in a bar, you can find a lover on an app. Sometimes we look for love in “all the wrong places,” but sometimes you get it right!

I fundamentally believe that romantic love is meant to be experienced in various times of your life, including when you’re too young to understand it. Lovers are meant to come and go, as are friends. Lovers are here to teach. Some may call them soul mates, even, or soul partners.

Many people have different beliefs on soul mates, and mine leaves room for multiple people to come into your lives. I don’t believe in “twin flames”, or in soul mates in the conventional sense of the word. I believe in the Elizabeth Gilbert philosophy of soulmates, which spoke to me after one of the hardest breakups I have ever experienced in my life. This can be taken as a piece of relationship or dating advice, as you move through your quest to find love.

Some relationships aren’t meant to last forever, even if you want them to last. This is where your life lessons come in, and taking lessons from your relationship is critical to finding something that suits you. If you want to see the OWN interview where Elizabeth Gilbert said this, you can watch it here. It came to me at an extremely impactful time.

Dating Advice – Learn From Your Relationships

After leaving a long-term relationship, I found myself a little confused as to the type of person I really wanted in my life. I knew it wasn’t my ex, but I was not sure where I wanted to go from there. 

Falling victim to the romantic idea of “what could have been,” I came across a man I had dated in the past. We dated in our twenties, and it was fun! It did not work out, and he spent many, many years wondering about me now and again. He knew he screwed up back then, and made sure to address it when speaking to me again. 

There were a few times he had reached out over the years, and I was usually in another relationship. But this time, I was single. He was just my type! This guy had a good job, he lived on his own, and took care of himself. However, it wasn’t long until he started getting more vulnerable, then started acting odd and distant.

As gung-ho as he was about a second chance with me, he slowly withdrew. I tried prompting him about it, and it was like talking to a wall. So, I left it alone. I simply did not reach out anymore.

It’s Not Always Personal

At the time, I was feeling glad I had not slept with him yet. While the lesson may seem obvious, I feel like the lesson was even deeper than not falling for “what could have been”. We ain’t Ashanti OR Nelly. This isn’t going to work out. 

It was learning that no matter what happens, no matter how much time has passed, most people do not change. To me, the lesson was that those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it. 

These same themes can be repeated even in relationships that had nothing to do with the original.

All of this helped me arrive at the most critical piece of dating advice I can give: Be truly intentional when picking your partner. Knowing what you want and don’t want is key.

Applying The Lessons

I fundamentally believe you can love someone in spite of their faults, and want to see the best in them. Otherwise flawed people would have never received our love to begin with. However, you’re not learning from love if you are not applying the lessons. 

We love humans; we don’t love products. There are human responses to things that may be considered positive or detrimental. When you begin to learn what is detrimental to you specifically, you need to take a step back when that is demonstrated in a partner.

You’ve already been there, baby.

Patterns repeat until they’re disrupted, and your job is to disrupt the pattern. Whether it be by a breakup, a conversation or something else. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, but when it comes to partnerships, closed mouths don’t get fed.

Understanding what you have experienced is crucial to enhance your own human experience. We learn not to touch a hot stovetop because it’s hot, but we don’t like to apply that to people that may not have the best intentions or who may be stumbling through their life journey. I’m telling you that if we aren’t applying what we learn, we are going to have the same experiences over and over. 

Whether it’s learning how to implement boundaries, learning what you truly want in a partner, or even learning to accept accountability– these are all lessons I have taken from relationships to help me grow. This is when life became fruitful.

Expecting Imperfection

People don’t come out of the box perfect. Our manufacturer didn’t design us in the same way a product is placed into production. Accepting your own flaws, as well as the flaws of others, is just a small piece of the dating advice sprinkled throughout this piece. There are no plans, so that means we come with faults. They are inherent. This is human. This is our gift and our curse. 

We cannot expect perfection where we are imperfect, ourselves. When we give our love to someone, it should be immediately reflected in our own self-love. After all, if we’re putting faith in someone else, we should be able to put a little into ourselves as well, no?

To all those I’ve loved before,

The ones with unique faces, big ears, curly hair, long hair, no hair. To the ones who were fat and bald and imperfect; the ones who had doll faces and long locks; the ones who wanted me to swing, the ones who were sexually confused. Oh! And we cannot forget the ones who ran the spectrum of ethnicities, the ones who have hurt me, the ones who have loved me–genuinely or disingenuously…

You all taught me valuable lessons, harshly and softly. Once I healed from the friction of your love or pain, those lessons became law. Pain became transmuted, and I created something even greater out of myself and my life. The “Sorcerer’s Stone,” if you will. For that, I thank you. 

And that, is the Alchemy of Love.

To Me. 💋

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