Today, we’re talking about a vaginal-centric hygiene, and why it’s important in sexuality and in general health. While we may love our sexy little lace panties and cuddling after sex, a little neglect is more than enough to sabotage your best efforts in self-love, self-pleasure and in maintaining vaginal health.

Lingerie is fun. But keeping clean panties on is it’s real, reliable, and rooted in self-care. Freshness boosts confidence, supports vaginal health, and keeps intimacy feeling easy instead of stressful. So let’s talk about what is normal, and what should be addressed!

Changing your Underwear Matters. A fishy smell is not normal, actually. 

We’re not saying we shouldn’t wear sexy lingerie, or trying to tell you how to live. We’re just here to deliver the facts: underwear sits in one of the warmest parts of your body, which naturally produces excretions throughout the day. Sweat and discharge build up, and so does harmful bacteria

With all that warmth, a balanced vaginal microbiome can grow the wrong bacterias. And the wrong bacteria means foul odors and infections. 

Dirty underwear doesn’t just smell off, it can throw off your pH, irritate your skin, and increase the risk of infections. Changing your underwear daily (and after workouts, sweaty days, or long nights) is one of those low-effort hygiene habits that pays off immediately.

However, it’s not the only piece of the puzzle. You still have a job to do, in your daily hygiene routines.

Basic Hygiene Standards to Keep Your Vagina Healthy

Let’s keep this simple and shame-free. Vaginal health thrives on consistency, not overdoing it Here are some basics:

• Clean underwear every day
  
• Gentle washing with warm water (no harsh soaps internally)
  
• Avoid scented products down there
  
• Wipe front to back
  
• Change out of damp underwear ASAP
  

If something smells off, it’s usually a sign to adjust your hygiene routine or see a medical professional.  

Your vagina is self-cleaning, but your labia is not.

Underwear hygiene and personal hygiene plays a big role in keeping things balanced. If your parents didn’t teach you, here are some basic highlights on keeping yourself clean:

• Shower regularly, especially after sweating, taking care to use a gentle soap over the vulva. Rinse gently. Medical professionals recommend a gentle, unscented & pH balanced soap.
• Wear breathable fabrics, like cotton or cotton blends.
• Change underwear at least once a day
• Keep an extra pair on hand for long days
• Wash underwear thoroughly and fully dry it
• Replace your underwear every 6-12 months, or whenever you see signs of wear and permanent staining.

What Kind of Underwear Is Best for Vaginal Health?

When it comes to vaginal health, breathable beats sexy every time (and yes, underwear can be both).

• Cotton or bamboo fabrics
• Moisture-wicking materials
• Proper fit—not too tight
• Minimal synthetic lace for daily wear

Save the fancy lingerie for short stints and sexy nights in. For everyday life, fresh underwear that lets your body breathe is key. Comfort and cleanliness are deeply underrated forms of sex appeal.

Need some more vaginal care tips? Check out Genital Grooming & Sexy Hygiene Tips That Actually Matter here.

Personal hygiene can make or break a relationship.

Like it or not, hygiene is an aspect of compatibility that really shouldn’t be compromised in a partnership. Here’s the unspoken truth: Partners notice differences in cleanliness even if they never bring it up.

Clean underwear signals self-respect and respect for the person you’re sharing your body with. 

If you and your partner have incompatible hygiene routines, it can affect overall attraction. Nothing kills attraction faster than mysterious odors, or thinking “maybe I can get away with one more wear” when it most definitely cannot. Additionally, if you’re having unprotected sex, there’s more intermingling of bacterias we want to control.

Good hygiene builds trust and comfort.

Did your mother not drive home the importance of wearing good underwear, in case of an emergency, or are you normal?

Hygiene isn’t only for germaphobes. It’s for everyone, and our partners. Whether you’re dating, hooking up, or just existing in your body, clean underwear matters more than something that looks sexy. 

Consistency with hygiene removes anxiety. In turn, that makes intimacy easier. And yes, bad hygiene ruins attraction faster than almost anything else, in particular if hygiene practes between parters are not compatible.

So if you’re choosing between lace and clean cotton? Choose both, and never skip the hygiene routine. Your body will thank you.

The post Hygiene Chat: Clean Underwear is Sexier than Lingerie appeared first on Peach Kisser.

Did you know that the Birkin bag was named after a notable icon?

Jane Birkin became famous and infamous, cementing her legacy with a bag that goes far beyond its leather and stitching. Before Jane lent her name to fashion’s most coveted accessory, she blazed her way to ICON status, while waving a flag of unintentional sexual liberation for many.

She shocked the world, and became a symbol of sexual freedom.

From Muse to Scandalization

Many often agree that 1969 was a very good year, and that includes the erotic scandals that made Jane Birkin such a notorious and adored public figure. 

Birkin and her partner Serge Gainsbourg released Je t’aime… moi non plus. With its breathy vocals and explicit intimacy, the song scandalized Europe. 

Chorus- English Translation:

You go, you go and you come

Between my loins

You go and you come

Between my loins

And I join you

While it wasn’t exactly WAP, the lyrics expressed intimacy in a way that was deemed too racy for public consumption.

The Vatican banned it, and radio stations refused to play it. Yet, in spite of the censorship, the song became a hit. Jane Birkin didn’t just sing about desire! No–the song even includes her breathy, intimate moans and innate sensuality. 

Mainstream culture was simply unprepared.

On screen, she went even further. Films like Je t’aime moi non plus (1976) openly explored erotic taboos. For audiences used to demure content, or even just coy innuendo, Birkin’s raw vulnerability was revolutionary. Jane made herself visible, vulnerable, and openly erotic.

Her Own Words on Desire

Birkin’s attitude toward sexuality wasn’t always what critics expected. Reflecting later in life, she said:

“I can’t speak for my era. The other girls were much freer than I was. There was no one more impressed by a man than I was. I was delighted to be Serge’s object of desire, the person who inspired him. I was happy to take naked pictures. To be in Playboy, even though I wasn’t their type at all. I was a kind of object and that’s what I wanted to be. It’s true, I don’t know what it would be like today.”

This confession adds nuance to the Jane Birkin erotic legacy. She wasn’t claiming empowerment in the modern feminist sense. 

Jane was simply embracing delight in becoming an object of desire, fully embodying the free-spirited nature that made her an icon.

Eroticism Then and Now

Women were once told to hide their sexuality. Moaning into a microphone was certainly not in the cards for women of this era.

Birkin’s reflections highlight how attitudes shift. In this context, being “the object” could feel liberating. Birkin’s story reminds us that liberation doesn’t look the same across eras. For her, eroticism was both performance and freedom. 

The Bag That Carried Her Cigarettes

Once on a flight, she complained to Hermès CEO Jean-Louis Dumas that no bag was both practical and stylish. 

Taking this as inspiration, he sketched one for her, and the rest is history. Ironically, Jane herself treated her Birkin as casually as anyone with a $50 bag might. She often scribbled notes on it, and stuffed it with her books and cigarettes. To her it wasn’t a luxury artifact, but a custom piece made just for her. 

Her effortless chic, nonchalance and non-traditional freedom perfectly embody the intention behind the bag. 

As a mark of her legacy, the Birkin bag still follows her. Jane’s personal, original prototype Birkin bag sold in July 2025 for $10.1 million USD.

The Enduring Erotic Legacy

Jane Birkin was never just a handbag muse. She was a cultural provocateur who blurred the lines between art and intimacy. She pushed sexuality into the public conversation, with her brand of entertainment.

Her erotic legacy isn’t simply about scandal! Jane Birkin was a woman who was willing to embrace herself completely–whether it was palatable to the public’s sensibilities or not–and did so bravely when women simply didn’t express themselves in this fashion.

The Birkin bag may remain the ultimate fashion trophy, but Jane Birkin herself remains as a reminder that erotic power can be playful, messy, contradictory–and still utterly magnetic.

Resources: 

• https://www.rogerebert.com/tributes/faith-in-life-jane-birkin-1946-2023
• https://www.meetingvenus.com/2023/07/how-jane-birkin-went-from-iconic-singer-to-reclusive-star.html
• https://pitchfork.com/news/jane-birkin-french-music-icon-and-mother-of-charlotte-gainsbourg-dies-at-76/
• https://www.biography.com/history-culture/a44567692/jane-birkin-obituary-style-icon

The post Beyond the Bag: The Erotic Power of Jane Birkin appeared first on Peach Kisser.

The beauty standard was quite hard in the 90s/00s, and many of us are still breaking what we thought was the norm. And many of us still believe even today that the pornstar look is big lips, big boobs, blonde hair, and a full-on bimbo aesthetic.

That’s a fetish. We call it bimbofication! I’ll cover that in a future story…

As I’m sure many Millennial women witnessed–nearly every female celebrity bathed themselves in bleach and starved themselves in the name of “beauty”.

I didn’t wanna starve myself, and didn’t want to bleach my hair. Thus, I did not consider myself beautiful. However, in my experiences, I discovered that porn didn’t solely sexualize one type. There were many types of beauty displayed, which shifted my perception of beauty in ways I did not expect.

How Did I Get Here

I didn’t even realize I was supposed to “strive” for the beauty standard. I was a young Hispanic woman, with brown hair, and brown eyes. Also, I wasn’t skinny.

I didn’t have representation until I got older and stars like Jennifer Lopez (who also eventually went blonde) among others, were brought to the forefront in mainstream media. Still, my perception of beauty standards had been ingrained by then. No amount of representation was quite enough to shift the impressions I held as a young girl. 

I was also a young single mom, and money was scarce. Fortunately for me, a friend who could reasonably have been my father took me under his wing. He taught me the building blocks of adult industry marketing, having been contracted with numerous studios himself. He needed someone to help him out in his business, and said he’d, “show me the ropes”.  Needing some additional financial support, I took the opportunity and never looked back. Little did I realize this would lead to developing my career, long term.

When I was looking for ways to support myself at a young age, I didn’t want to go the pornstar route. I didn’t even consider it. Being the star wasn’t suited for someone like me. However, writing, editing, promoting was easy for me to learn, and perfectly suited to someone who was quiet and kept to herself.

This gave me immediate exposure to an industry where you’d think I might struggle with the beauty standards. It wasn’t long until I learned that the big boob, blown up lip, blow-up doll aesthetic wasn’t even the standard in the industry 15+ years ago. And it most certainly isn’t the standard now.

Diversity is Marketable 

As we know, most porn is crafted to the male gaze, as they are the biggest buyers. If you aren’t already on the pulse of the industry, you probably have an idea in your head of what men want to see in their adult content.

However, we must consider that the male gaze is far more expansive than what we like to think. Let’s unpack that:

Meeting The Demands

Pornography often reflects the desires of the population–whether it be taboo, or more conventional. Big boobs and blonde hair may be the stereotype, but the truth is quite different from the perception

Throughout my time in the industry, I have remained at the sidelines. There, I saw many performers who challenged every definition of “sexy”. They challenged beauty standards, and looked good doing it. Some of the most popular, famous performers don’t even have big boobs or blonde hair. Some are fat. Some have stretch marks. Many are brown and Black. Some are thin with very small boobs. Pornography reflects what the consumer wants to see, and all of these types are heavily represented.

Performers that don’t “fit the mold” challenged the status quo in a way. The industry tends to reflect the inner desires of the population that consumes it. Consumers actively seek it out, and their dollars spent begin to reflect the type of content being made. 

The way consumers seek this media is measurable, by search volumes and site traffic. With this data at their fingertips, the industry must rise to meet the demand. 

In short; if people are searching for particular content, production companies are going to create it.

Beauty Standards are Fake

All I knew at the time I began working in this industry, was that it was great money to support myself and keep my life humming along nicely.

The impact of being a ghost, yet at the forefront of desire, was undeniable. All of these women from different looks and backgrounds had a large following of folks obsessing over their looks and unique sex appeal. 

That’s when I started realizing that the “standard” is bullshit. Most stars don’t meet the stereotype. Most successful OnlyFans models simply look like every girl you’ve ever known. 

Seeing women desired in this way helped me undo my standards of beauty. It gave me the gift of finding it in myself. If a woman that looks like me can make a mint with her body, is mine really all that bad?

No Longer Limited by Standards

Eurocentric beauty standards have ruled mainstream culture for decades, telling us that only certain faces, bodies, and hair textures are worthy of desire. But in the adult world, the rules bend—and often break—entirely. Sexualization, for all its complications, has a way of putting a spotlight on bodies that society tells us to overlook. In porn, there’s room for everyone’s fantasy, and that means there’s space for stretch marks, cellulite, curves, small chests, and dark skin.

Visibility in this context doesn’t just expand the definition of beauty. This proves that that there was ever one “correct” version to begin with.

Desire is everywhere.

Expand Your Perception, Include Yourself

Porn didn’t destroy my perception of beauty, nor did it make me feel badly about myself. It expanded my ideals, with the understanding that pretty much anyone can be desired. Somehow, it contributed to my radical self-love practices, simply by shifting my perception.

What I once thought was the only way to be beautiful turned out to be just one narrow, over-marketed idea. Desire doesn’t follow rules, or standards. Desire doesn’t write MAXIM or Vogue.  

Listen to desire first. Let it guide you. Because the idea that there is only one way to be beautiful is simply not rooted in reality.

The more I saw unconventional beauty being celebrated, the more I realized how much of our self-image is shaped by lies we’ve been sold. Perhaps we shouldn’t question whether or not we meet the standard. We should expand our world to allow the undercurrent of desire to define beauty, and measure our own beauty by a different device. That device?Our choice to be comfortable in our own skin.

The post How Pornography Challenged My Personal Beauty Standards appeared first on Peach Kisser.

Chat, we need to talk. Self-love isn’t bubble baths and face masks, nor is it getting your nails done. While self-care acts such as these are a part of self-love, the practice expands far beyond your personal spa days.

Erotic self-love is where sensuality meets self-devotion. It’s a lifestyle, a mindset, and a delicious reclamation of your personal power. 

Integrating Erotic Self-Love into Your Life 

When you align body, mind, and spirit with sensual intention, you’re embodying self-love.

You light candles for you. You wear lingerie because it makes you feel irresistible, even if it’s just for a moment. Perhaps, you gently caress your skin and twerk in your bedroom – even if no one’s watching. 

Erotic self-love is about creating a world where your pleasure matters. Not selfishly, but with balance.

If you want more of a How-To to start, check out How-To: Sensual Self-Care; Add Sensuality to your Routines

Worship Yourself First

Your body has brought you here. It’s brought you this far. It’s brought you through things you never expected to get through.

Your body is a vessel, but that’s not all. It’s your playground, your power source. It’s where you store all your knowledge and secrets. Erotic self-love starts with treating it like the sacred, sexy altar it is.

That means feeding it well, moving it with joy (not punishment), and yes—exploring your own pleasure. Have you ever masturbated mindfully? Or explored the art of sensual touch? 

Erotic self-love invites you to stop waiting for permission or partners and start worshipping yourself.

Stimulate your Mind

Erotic empowerment starts in that pretty lil’ noggin of yours. Mental self-love is where you let go of shame and start romancing your own imagination, instead of holding onto the shame inflicted on you by your past.

Read that erotic fiction, and launch yourself into your fantasies. Journal your feelings and turn ons, and try to read them without cringing. 

Explore your deepest curiosities, and learn something new. Listen to music that lights up your mind and body, or explore new genres. Your mind deserves to play. It’s necessary for mental health.

We all know what “all work and no play” leads us into… 

Nourishing Your Spirit

Nourishing oneself must go beyond the body. Erotic self-love taps into spirituality. Some may even consider it Glamour Magick. 

Erotic self-love taps into something spiritual, whether you believe in other realms or not. You, as yourself, are a spiritual being. Honor your light. 

It’s about grounding into your worth, setting intentions, and honoring boundaries. Your “yeses” and “nos” are powerful and impactful upon your psyche. Don’t overextend either of them.

This is where mindfulness, breathwork, ritual, and even sex magic can come into play. You are allowed to connect with your erotic self in a way that feels sacred. Because guess what? Your pleasure is sacred, and worth honoring.

It’s a sexy way to live. 

Pleasure Changes Everything

The more you know yourself erotically and sensually, the more deeply you can connect with others. You will set stronger boundaries, love with abandon, and with soaring confidence. 

Making yourself a priority only enhances your power–but you have to want to do it. Erotic self-love isn’t selfish. It’s transformative. And baby, it’s something that is all yours. You call the shots. 

The post Harnessing The Power of Erotic Self-Love appeared first on Peach Kisser.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, darling… Self-pleasure isn’t just about orgasms; it’s about empowerment. A good vibrator can help you explore your body, enhance partnered play, and unlock sensations you didn’t know existed.

If you’re new to toys, the world of vibrators can be overwhelming (but so worth it). That’s why we’ve curated this guide to help you pick the perfect beginner-friendly vibrator to start your pleasure journey.

How to Choose Your First Vibrator

Before diving into our top picks, consider these factors for Best Vibrators for Beginners:

• Size & Shape – Slim, discreet wands or curved G-spot stimulators? Start small if you’re nervous.
  Intensity Levels – Some toys offer gentle hums, others earth-shattering vibrations. Beginners might prefer adjustable settings.
• Noise Level – Quieter = more discreet, especially if you have roommates.
• Material – Body-safe silicone is ideal (non-porous & easy to clean).
• Power Source – Rechargeable = eco-friendly, but battery-operated is budget-friendly.
  Now, let’s get to the good stuff…

The Top 10 Beginner-Friendly Vibrators

Pricing is correct as of the date this article was written.

Classic Bullet Vibrator – Our Pick: plusOne Bullet Vibrator – $15.97

Perfect for: Clitoral stimulation, Quick Sessions

• Tiny but mighty – fits anywhere, even in your panties.
• Discreet & affordable – great first purchase.
• Simple controls – usually just 1-3 speeds.

Slimline Wand Massager – Our Pick: Yarosi Micro Personal Massage Device – $35.95

Perfect for: Broad, rumbly pleasure

• Gentler than a full-sized wand but still powerful.
• Great for full-body teasing (neck, thighs, nipples…).
• Can be used for actual massage benefits.

Pebble Vibrator – Our Pick: These Inexpensive Personal Electric Massagers – $21.96

Perfect for: Grinding & external play

• Flat, ergonomic design – fits snugly against your clit.
• Super quiet – ideal for sneaky solo sessions.

G-Spot Vibrator – Our Pick: SVAKOM COCO G Spot Vibrator – $29.98

Perfect for: Dual stimulation

• Curved tip for deep, targeted pleasure.
• Many double as clit toys (best of both worlds).

Rabbit Vibrator – Our Pick: Thrusting Rabbit Vibrator – $25.99

Perfect for: Hands-free orgasms

• Simultaneous internal & clitoral vibrations.
• Multi-speed options to find your sweet spot.

Sucking Vibrator – Our Pick: LELO SONA Sonic Massager – $39.99

Perfect for: Air-pulse clit stimulation

• Mimics oral sex – intense suction sensations.
• Beginners should start on low – it’s powerful!

Finger Vibrator – Our Pick: Mini Finger Vibrator – $14.99

Perfect for: Subtle, precise teasing

• Wear it on your fingers – feels like a natural extension.
• Great for partnered play – tease everywhere.

Dual Sensation Dildo – Our Pick: Toendi G-Spot Rose Toy – $26.99

Perfect for: Those that crave multiple sensations at once.

• Hands-free orgasms (let a partner control it or use solo).
• Discreet yet thrilling – take it on a date night.

Remote-Controlled Vibrator – Our Pick: Wearable Panty Vibrators – $18.98

Perfect for: Teasing & public play

• Hands-free orgasms (let a partner control it or use solo).
• Discreet yet thrilling – take it on a date night.

Customizable App-Controlled Vibrator – Our Pick: LOVENSE Lush – $139.00

Perfect for: Long-distance lovers (or solo play)

• Adjust patterns via Bluetooth – endless possibilities.
• Sync to music, voice commands, or partner’s touch.

If you’re new to self-pleasure, check out our Pleasure Principles Series:

Final Tips for First-Time Users

• Start slow – don’t rush into max power.
• Use lube – it enhances sensation & comfort.
• Clean your toy after every use (warm water & mild soap).
• Experiment! Try different settings, pressures, and angles.

Ready to pick your first toy? Tell us in the comments – which one tempts you the most?

The post The Top 10 Best Vibrators for Beginners: A Comprehensive Guide appeared first on Peach Kisser.

Getting Comfortable (For the Curious but Nervous)

If you’re just getting your toes wet, you don’t have to get buck wild! There’s content that isn’t “scary”. Softcore or romantic porn might feel more like an ideal or realistic fantasy, or more relatable. It’s an excellent way to explore your visual desires, as they bridge into your more primal nature.

Don’t be afraid to stop something if you’re not enjoying it! Begin with softcore or erotic content and gradually move on to more explicit stuff.

Finding the Right Porn (Because Not All Porn Is Created Equal)

Amongst the sea of erotic novels and romance, it’s clear that many more feminine porn watchers have a different mindset, when it comes to getting off.

Let’s be real—mainstream porn wasn’t made with us in mind. Today we wish to highlight how porn has evolved, and how to get comfortable with using it as the cherry on top of your self-care routines.

There’s so much good stuff out there if you know where to look.

Where to find Porn for Women

Start with Free Platforms to figure out what you like – Pornhub, for example, has a site devoted to Porn for Women, which features passionate sex we can all get behind. Explore niche categories that turn you on, whether it’s lesbian sex, BDSM, or even anime porn (yes, it’s a thing!).

Solo Female Pleasure – If you’re new to porn or want something sensual, solo female creators are your best bet. Think slow teasing, real orgasms, and eye contact that makes you feel seen.

Erotica & Audio Porn – Sometimes, the hottest thing isn’t visuals—it’s words. Erotic stories or ASMR-style whispers (oh hey, r/gonewildaudio) can get you dripping fast.

Female-Directed & Ethical Porn – Erika Lust offers a more curated selection of content that’s designed to cater to women’s tastes. They offer scenes that are built with passion, and storylines that are sensible.

You won’t find any ridiculous “Pizza Boy” content here. Even their anal content is romantic.

Check out my scene reviews to get an idea of what their content includes, as I cover Erika Lust scenes regularly. You can also view ratings from users on the websites, to check ratings from other women. Perspective is important!

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Secret Kinks – Maybe you’re into praise, power play, or voyeuristic scenarios. There’s porn for everything—so don’t be afraid to explore.

Pro Tip: Bookmark a few vids/clips that turn you on instantly. If you create a login, you may be able to save your favorites to a playlist! Your future self will thank you.

Setting the Mood (Because Masturbation Is a Ritual, Not a Chore)

Lighting & Privacy – Lock the door, dim the lights, maybe light a candle. This is your time.

Lube & Toys – Keep ‘em close. If you’re watching something especially filthy, you’ll need them immediately and getting up is a chore.

Headphones – If you enjoy indulging in moans or dirty talk, amplify the experience and keep it discrete!
Just go at it – if you don’t need to romance yourself, don’t sweat it! This is all about YOU, baby.

How to Actually Use Porn (Without Feeling Weird About It)

Alleviate Pressure – You don’t have to finish, and you don’t even have to settle on a scene. Sometimes, it’s just about enjoying yourself.

Sync Your Touches – If you’re watching solo content, mirror her movements. If she’s rubbing her breasts, you rub yours. If it’s a slow, teasing scene, take your time. Match the energy. It’s excellent self-exploration.

Porn as Inspiration – Modify, fantasize, make it your own.

Masturbating to porn is all about embracing your sexuality and exploring your fantasies. This is a normal and healthy thing to enjoy. Remember: You’re Not Weird – Liking porn doesn’t make you “too much.” It makes you a woman who knows what she wants and is open to exploration.

Remember, it’s okay to be curious, and it’s okay to take control of your own pleasure. Own it! You deserve it.

The post How to Masturbate to Porn: A Woman’s Guide to Visual Pleasure appeared first on Peach Kisser.

While there may be joy in a lot of these relationships, there comes an accompaniment of searing pain. One day, the pain overrides the joy, rationale improves, and the survivor has a moment of clarity.

On this day, the pain overrides any joy. Eventually there is no joy to behold, because we’ve lost so much.

We’ve had our identities gutted like a fish. It becomes a secret shame.

Escaping Survival Mode – Flaws of a Survivor

Emotional abuse can be quite insidious. One day, your abuser might make a comment you suspect you are misreading, so you brush it off. This leads to you brushing off the little things. Without realizing it, your sense of self begins gently eroding.

This removes your sense of self, slowly over time. The end result can convince you that you’re wrong. It may convince you that there is something wrong with how you’re experiencing reality. When the emotional harm begins to escalate into hostility, you have already been weakened. The effects of gaslighting can create a sheath of self-doubt around your sense of self. You may even wonder, “wait, was I the narcissist?”

We Adapt To Survive

Eventually, we adapt to these emotional cycles, which can put someone into survival mode. This means your brain is constantly on edge, for fear of what’s coming next.

Recognizing the brain patterns and emotional cycles is critical, to finally breaking-free mentally, from the situation. When you do finally escape, and the dust begins to settle, you may find that your head is getting clearer. Maybe your short-term memory improves after a few months. Maybe you’re less moody, and reactive.

Once we can recognize the cycles and our triggers within survival mode, that grants us the greatest opportunity to heal. For this, I recommend keeping a journal, for intentional healing. Note your reactions to other people, things, and situations.

Once everything is laid out for you to see, you’ll learn to sift out the noise, and find the patterns you created in order to survive. Recognizing the brain patterns is critical to undoing them, and getting yourself on the road to recovery.

Self Love & Remembering Who We Are – Flaws of a Survivor

As we sit there, in recovery from the trauma of abuse, you may wonder how to get out of it. There is a haze surrounding those first few moments–or even months–of freedom. When you’re no longer struggling to survive, you are well on your way to recovery.

Managing the “Flaws of a Survivor” you may have takes intentional work, but remembering who you are is worth the work.

Put yourself into perspective, when you’re getting out of a poor relationship. You’re vulnerable, whether you realize it or not. Your protective mechanisms may not be as strong. In some cases, they may be icon clad. However you may feel, it’s wise to give yourself time to survey the damage.

Be careful of self-criticism, and recognize that it’s from the perspective of someone who has been hurt. If this was one of your loved ones, would you treat them that way? Give yourself the grace you deserve when dealing with your flaws.

To quote myself in another post: You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Growth or needing growth is not a reflection of your worth. Forgive yourself for things, of which you may feel responsible. Accepting that you’re not perfect is SELF-LOVE.

Remember What You Deserve–Even If You’re Flawed

Loving an imperfect person perfectly taught me to love myself in spite of my own imperfections, teaching me that it is possible to love someone with the flaws of a survivor. I was flawed before I was a survivor, and I didn’t love myself. Self-love was not even something I knew existed, which means I never learned how to love myself.

Having spent many nights with tears in my eyes, and many mornings fearful of what I would awaken to, I now wake up with joy. Sleeping and waking with tears and fear was so profoundly impactful. But now I’m healing.

Then one day, you’ll remember who the F#CK you are! So, take the first step. Be honest with your self-assessment. You’ll be surprised by how far that gets you.

The post Flaws of a Survivor – Alchemy of Introspection appeared first on Peach Kisser.

She didn’t just entertain—she unleashed something. She inspired generations of vedettes, dancers, and women unafraid to own their sensuality. Tongolele was more than a performer; she was a revolution in rhinestones.

Tongolele – From Spokane to Stardom

Born Yolanda Montes on January 3, 1932, in Spokane, Washington, this half-Mexican, half-American dynamo turned her dreams into reality, among the burlesque stages of Mexico. At a young age, and with encouragement from her parents, little Yolanda threw herself into dance, mastering several dance styles that fused with her adult-bred sensuality.

As she honed her talents between the U.S. and Mexico, her presence expanded, and soon enough, the name “Tongolele” was born—reportedly from an amalgamation of the words “Tonga,” a Polynesian garment, and “Lelé,” meaning “dizzy” in Spanish. This proved to pair well with her penchant for African and Tahitian dance styles, which helped catapult her into iconic status.

By the late ’40s, Tongolele was an icon of Mexico’s cabaret scene. With her hypnotic movements, improvised choreography, and glittering, barely-there costumes, she was a walking scandal wrapped in sequins. Remarkably, with little scandal to speak of other than gossip.

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Setting the Stage—and the Screen—Ablaze

Tongolele’s talent went far beyond the stage, giving her career growth that was once only in her dreams. By the early ’50s, she was making waves in Mexico’s Golden Age of Cinema, becoming a star on the Silver Screen.

On screen, she played mysterious, sultry sirens who defied norms and stole every scene. Tongolele even infused her Afro-Caribbean and burlesque inspired roots into everything she did, standing out with a heat that Mexican cinema had never seen before. She didn’t just act; she seduced the camera and audiences all over Mexico.

Her fearless performances made her both a darling and a controversy magnet. She turned traditional dance on its head, blending folk dances with raw eroticism.

The Look That Created the Icon

We would be remiss to leave out the look that made this siren truly iconic; that hair! Tongolele boasted a full head of raven hair, accented with a striking white streak and blue eyes.

While her hair seemed deeply intentional, it wasn’t just a bold choice. Tongolele had a rare condition called poliosis, which causes depigmentation in a streak of hair.

This everlasting symbol of beauty used the genetic quirk as part of her visual trademark, accenting her overall mystique.

Drama, Darling

No tiger queen rises without a few claws coming out. Tongolele’s risqué performances were often met with pearl-clutching from the moral police. Her shows were occasionally shut down due to her refusal to tone things down—but she never backed off. Nudity? Censorship? None of this mattered to the fearless starlet.

As such, Tongolele became a trailblazer for sexual liberation. The sexual revolutionary officially retired in the 1960s, but her legend only grew. She remained a symbol of sexual liberation, artistic rebellion, and feminine power until her passing on February 16, 2025, at the age of 93.

So here’s to the woman who danced through taboos, set the stage on fire, and gave an entire nation permission to feel sexy. Long live the queen!

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Who was Jezebel, anyway?

Jezebel was a biblical bad girl, known for her fierce independence, her love of luxury, and her unapologetic sensuality. She was a queen who refused to conform to societal norms, and instead, forged her own path. And that’s exactly what we’re going to tap into with this vision board – your inner Jezebel, the one who’s not afraid to take risks, to be bold, and to demand what she wants. Perhaps I should cover Jezebel in the next edition of Lust & Lore? Let me know in the comments!

Why Do I Need a Vision Board?

Wild women shouldn’t be tamed. As a huge fan of wild women, myself, I knew I wanted to be one. In a world that often tries to tame our wildness and stifle our desires, a vision board is a powerful tool to help you reclaim your inner Jezebel. If you’re a visual person, it helps you get clear on your vision.

A vision board is a visual representation of your desires–a collage of images, words, and textures that evoke feelings and emotions. By creating a vision board, you’re taking ownership of your outcomes. For this one, we are going to focus on your sensuality, celebrating your uniqueness, and manifesting a life that honors your deepest desires.

If nothing else, it’s a way to get a clear vision of what you want to be, or what you want to do. Sometimes we don’t know what we want, until we put it together and see it for ourselves!

How to Create a Vision Board to Find Your Inner Jezebel

Gather your materials:

• A large piece of cardboard, paper, or canvas
• Magazines, scissors, and glue
• Markers, paint, or colored pencils
• Photographs, fabrics, and other textures
• Any personal items that hold significance to your sensuality (e.g., a piece of lingerie, a rose petal, or a love letter)

Set Your Intention

Find a quiet, comfortable space where you can relax and tap into your inner world. Take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself: “What does my inner Jezebel look like? What does she want, and what does she deserve?” Allow your thoughts to flow, and write down your intentions.

Gather Your Inspiration

Flip through magazines, and cut out images that evoke feelings of sass, seduction, and empowerment. These can be images of strong women, luxurious settings, or sensual art. Collect words and phrases that resonate with your intentions, such as “unstoppable,” “fearless,” or “unapologetic.”

Create Your Vision Board

Begin arranging your images, words, and textures on your board. Group similar themes together, or create a flowing narrative that tells the story of your inner Jezebel’s journey. Add personal items that hold significance to your sensuality, and don’t be afraid to get creative with colors, shapes, and patterns.

Activate Your Board

Hang your vision board in a place where you’ll see it daily, such as your bedroom or meditation space. Take a few moments each day to gaze at your board, allowing the images and words to sink deep into your subconscious. Repeat your intentions out loud, and feel the energy of your inner Jezebel manifesting in your life.

Tips and Variations

• Create a digital vision board on Pinterest or Canva, and set it as your phone’s wallpaper or computer background.
• Invite friends over for a vision board party, and explore each other’s inner Jezebels.
• Update your vision board seasonally, reflecting your growth and evolution as a sensual being.

A vision board is a powerful tool to connect with your inner Jezebel, to manifest your desires, and to celebrate your unique sensuality. By embracing your inner Jezebel, you’re not only becoming the best version of yourself, but you’re also contributing to a world that honors and celebrates women’s power and sensuality. So, take the first step, and create a vision board today.

The post How to Create a Vision Board to Find Your Inner Jezebel appeared first on Peach Kisser.

I’ll tell you something funny; I had this basically written before I sat down to do the final draft of this. Then I had one big realization: Self-Love is self-care, and everything you do to take care of yourself. That’s right–everything. Even the little things. I had to re-work this whole thing, before I shared my thoughts with you!

For this blog, I wish to focus on what self-love is, so you can find for yourself how to love yourself, in spite of your flaws. So, if you ask me how to love yourself, even when you cannot? I would ask you, “why not?” In this blog, I’ll be discussing why and how I arrived at that question.

How to Practice Self-Love When You Cannot

When I first started on my self-love journey, I didn’t expect that it would be so healing. While I still struggle with self-perception issues, I have put forth effort into changing my brain patterns to shift into hate just because I perceive myself in a negative way.

I also did not expect that practicing self-love would enrich the relationships with those around me, allowing me to bring people into my life that cared for me.

Starting to give yourself self-love can feel uncomfortable at times. For real–try looking in the mirror and say, “I Love You”. Try it! This is especially true, if it’s something you’ve never really practiced before. You don’t need to do this to learn how to practice self-love, but it really drives home how you feel about yourself.

However, the GOOD news is, that it’s definitely possible to re-condition your brain patterns to begin the shift. This blog intends to outline areas you can evaluate and improve, to see yourself in a new light.

Sometimes I believe the problem with not being able to practice self-love is 1), determining what self-love is TO YOU, and 2), learning to love yourself with your faults.

It’s all about creating new brain patterns full of kindness and patience towards yourself. Here are a few things to think about on your path to self-love:

Are you Willing?

This first starts with WILLINGNESS. You cannot achieve self-love if you are not willing to try self-love. The fact that you clicked on this blog from a search engine or via my social media, tells me that you’re at least willing enough to learn about it.

Think of self-love like a garden. You need to plant the seeds first. If you don’t even plant the seeds, what do you think is going to grow?

Assess Yourself With Intention

If you want to practice self-love, you can make it a goal to love yourself unconditionally. Understand first, however, that this takes conditioning and time. You have to be okay with the process and journey.

Remember, the first step here is being willing to actually do it. Then you have to learn to recognize where you’re filling yourself with negativity.

We’re usually taught to be ashamed of our flaws. Have you done anything to yourself that is unforgivable? Probably not. Sure, I may have let myself stay in relationships for too long, I’ve made mistakes, or I may have been unfair to myself. However, one must actively forgive themselves for past mistakes. The only person you need to forgive is yourself. No one else.

Everyone makes errors and that dwelling on them hinders self-acceptance. Do you hate your loved ones for errors they make?

Love is in the Little Things

One thing that contributes to my daily practice of self-love, is trying to focus on small, compassionate acts toward myself. Even if those small things don’t feel like “love” in the traditional sense.

It could be something like letting yourself rest when you’re exhausted, forgiving yourself for mistakes, or just being gentle with your inner dialogue instead of being too harsh. Take a moment each day to acknowledge something you like about yourself. Even if it’s hard. This is the first step of many you’ll take in this journey.

Ever buy someone you love a candy bar just because you’re thinking of them? Buy yourself one, too! Just considering your sensibilities for a moment, is a small act of self-love.

Loving Yourself Without Condition, How to Practice Self-Love

You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Growth or needing growth is not a reflection of your worth. Forgive yourself for things, of which you may feel responsible. Accepting that you’re not perfect is SELF-LOVE.

Your faults and struggles with your body aren’t going away. I still see myself in a dozen negative ways, and I struggle to unsee them. Sure, I may not love my stretch marks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to moisturize my skin, maintain hygiene, and care for myself the way I would want someone I loved to do so.

I’d never lose my love for someone, just because of perceived flaws. Why should I treat myself like that?

Assess Relationships and Boundaries

Do you have people in your life that tell you negative things about yourself, or always ask too much of you? Are you a recovering people-pleaser?

Having a supportive and healthy environment is really helpful in healing trauma on the path to loving yourself. Finding your people is very difficult, but it is even harder when you’re choosing self-loathing.

Self-love often means respecting your own limits. Learning to say “no” when you need to, whether it’s to people, work, or even your own inner demands, can be a powerful way to show yourself some love and care. It’s about prioritizing your own well-being. This is something I highly recommend professional help in pursuing for behavior change.

You’d defend someone you loved. Start by defending yourself.

Take Care of Your Body

This isn’t about changing how you look, but about treating your body with care and respect.

I used to think I couldn’t love myself because of my body. I am still not happy with my body, but I am definitely not allowing that to keep me from standing up for myself and taking care of myself!

Would you want someone you loved not to defend themselves, simply because they didn’t like themselves?

Show Up Like You Would for Someone Else You Love

No–not like people who have wronged you. How would YOU show up for someone you love?

Show up for yourself like that. Even if it’s hard. No one else can make the choice for you. People can love you, but they cannot make you love yourself. Bring yourself joy! You are far more powerful than you realize, because you’re capable of this. Even if you’re telling yourself right now that you’re not.

Remember; it’s a process. And it’s not an easy one.

Loving myself taught me how to love others better. It was a conscious choice, and I did the work. I’m still doing the work, because it never ends.

It’s not about whether you can or can’t love yourself. You have to first understand what self-love is, and how you can practice self-love. It’s a matter of treating yourself with care, even if you aren’t happy with something. Would you treat someone else you loved like this? Would you be this unfair to them?

The reality I had to accept was, that we are always a work in progress, and sometimes self-love is a mountain to climb. The more and more you pour into yourself, the better. One day you’ll look back, and see how your boundaries have saved you.

Learning how to practice self-love can take years, but there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

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