Want to learn how to feel sexier? If you’re struggling to feel sexy, babe– you are not alone! As I have grown older, I have realized how sexiness is not one-dimensional. Conventional attractiveness or not, love isn’t only exclusive to the most beautiful among us. There are dozens of things that go into attraction!

When battling with my body throughout the years–going from size-to-size–I have found that there isn’t a great way to escape self-criticism without intentional conditioning. I remember when I was in my early twenties, I had an undiagnosed disorder. It caused me to gain weight and also kept me from losing weight.

How to Feel Sexier – Conditioned Self-Love

One evening, I was out having an excellent time with an old friend. She and I took photos together, we imbibed, and had a fabulous girls’ night. When the photos were unveiled, I was horrifyingly embarrassed by my relaxed GUT.

Okay, it was more than “relaxed”.

The kicker: she was a larger girl. When she went to intentionally lose weight some months later, she used that same photo of us, as her BEFORE photo. While demonstrating her weight loss in a solo “After” photo.

She LEFT me in the photo. There I was gazing at my unaddressed gut, while my friend flaunted her new body. Pictured right next to me, no less!

Naturally, feeling self-conscious, I asked her to crop me out. She declined. I was absolutely stewing inside and felt humiliated, but the experience clearly left a mark. In spite of such Mean Girl behavior, I took it with about as much grace as anyone could muster, and dropped it.

Framed this way, it was certainly humiliating. Though, looking back, it was less about my appearance than it was about my friendship. However, I do still wonder if I would have had an easier time swallowing it then, had I managed to accept my body for what it was.

People and society have ways to bring us down, and show us our insecurities. And sometimes the wrong people do it on purpose, when none of it matters. Now, I am glad body positivity exists, because it certainly helped me accept my body along the way, in my own personal health journey.

Here are the things I have kept in mind over the years to keep my head straight, regardless of my size:

5 Perspectives for a Body Positive Mindset

Add Something Sensually Inspired Into Your Daily Routine: 

In terms of how to feel sexier, this has the most immediate effects. Put on something that looks good on you. Wear the perfume you bought for special occasions. Wear that bold lipstick you’ve been putting off wearing. Sometimes a little red lipstick goes a long way. Ain’t nothing a little red lipstick can’t fix.

Put on those sexy panties. You deserve to feel good.

Move your body.

Even in a larger body, you should be moving. Practicing movement at every stage in your body acceptance journey is helpful! Not only does exercise boost feel-good chemicals known as endorphins, but it keeps you mobile, keeps you healthy, and you’ll get stronger overtime.

Move as much as you are able. It has many positive effects! Even if it’s just a sensual dance around your apartment, put on that music and enjoy it for once.

Curate Your Exposure.

I’ve been working in the adult industry for many years now. I can tell you a few things: there is no single type of “attractive”. I have seen hundreds of pornstars cycle through, during my time working in the industry. One thing I can say is that they ALL look different. Thick girls, plain girls, small tits, BBW, big tits, fake tits, saggy tits, bellies, 6 packs, fit women, blonde, brunette, redhead, tall, thin, petite, AMAZON–it’s all there!

I want you to remember that your vastness renders cameras useless, and the sight of you would make even the mountains lose their breath.

-Whitney Hanson

Don’t Project It On Your Partner.

Hey, if they caused you to feel a certain way about your body, that’s another story altogether. If you’re in a healthy relationship, they most likely did not.

Your partner chose to love you. Give them some grace, and ask for them to give you some, too! It’s perfectly normal to have feelings of inadequacy in a relationship, but they can be resolved with love and patience on both sides.

Be open with them, so they can understand. If it’s affecting your relationship, remember that your partner loves you. They fell in love with you and your body as it already was, and that’s incredibly special! Give them some grace and trust that they do actually want to sleep with you.

Oh, and let your partner touch you in the spots you hate. In my experience, they do so because they like them!

Honor your Multitudes, Loving Yourself

As for that old photo of myself? I can still see that  photo, adjacent to my newly fit friend, in my 20s–it’s burned in my brain. My weight has fluctuated through the years. As a woman who has been each size from 8-22, I have had many struggles with my body, and am learning to embrace the flaws. At every size, there is someone telling you that you’re not good enough somewhere. The only escape you can make is by making a choice. You must make a choice to consciously un-learn self-hatred.

Look at the people you love. Are you judging their fat rolls? Do you think less of them for their stretch marks? Remember, those who love you do not see your imperfections the way you do. You’re sexy and whole, and full of flaws and beauty.

God, have you ever SEEN your smile? You do this thing when you laugh! It makes me grin from ear to ear. 🥰.

Body positivity does have an impact on how we view ourselves sexually, and our overall self-esteem. Body acceptance comes with age, but can be created with intentional habits focused on the actual reality of your situation. Remember, you contain multitudes. Self-love may take a little work, but you deserve to love yourself as much as you deserve to receive love from others! And if you need more body positivity tips, you’ll love my friend over at Buzzing Babe, with a blog full of positive affirmations, and more sex toy reviews!

You are so much more than your body, and so much sexier than you even realize. Even then, your body is beautiful and worth the pleasure that life offers. You just have to believe it, accept it, and give yourself the grace and love you deserve.

@whitneyhansonpoetryi’ve been hard on myself lately and i wrote this because i needed it.♬ original sound – Whitney Hanson

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Today we discuss the Diamimio Thrusting Dildo Vibrator, as one of the newest editions to my pleasure drawer. Sometimes you’re in the mood for something other vibrators simply cannot offer–thrusting!

Some of the links in this blog may be affiliate links. Please read my affiliate disclosure here.

I was excited to get down with this toy from first unboxing. It’s big and shiny, and I like how realistic it is. However, I really wanted something that was both realistic and capable of thrusting.

Buy Diamimio Thrusting Dildo Vibrator on Amazon!

Toy Description – Diamimio Thrusting Dildo Vibrator

The Diamimio Thrusting Dildo Vibrator is a top selling sex toy. This realistic dildo does a lot more than others, with 8 thrusting modes and 10 vibrating modes to offer up incredible variety in your routine.

This toy features a remote control and a powerful suction cup base, for some flexibility in your pleasure play.

• Key Features (directly from the manufacturer website)
• Realistic Touch and Feel
• 8 Powerful Thrusting Modes &10 Vibrating Modes
• Easy to Clean
• USB Rechargeable
• Body-Safe, Medical-Grade Silicone
• Powerful Suction Cup
• 8.4″ and 6.1″ insertion length, and the width diameter is 1.6 in

Buy Diamimio Thrusting Dildo Vibrator on Amazon!

 

First-Hand Use

I’ve been around the block a few times when it comes to sex toys, but this one? Wow! From the moment I ripped open the box, I was hooked. The quality is tdexcellent and you can tell the designers put some serious thought into the details. The texture? Surprisingly realistic. And the material? Just right – soft where you want it, firm where you need it. It doesn’t look as realistic as you might think, but it definitely felt as much.

This dildo that’s been my go-to for some hands-free fun. This badboy has a suction cup base that’s like a dream come true for anyone who loves to mix things up. I’ve stuck it to the shower wall and let me tell you, it’s like having a super-hot, always-ready partner who knows exactly how to hit the spot every time. I have a small shower! It’s got this incredible grip that doesn’t budge, so you can just let go and ride the waves of ecstasy.

Buy Diamimio Thrusting Dildo Vibrator on Amazon!

I’m obsessed with how effortless it is to clean this toy – and the fact that it’s made from body-safe materials is a major plus for me! Whether I’m indulging in solo pleasure or sharing it with a partner, this toy has become an absolute must-have in my collection.

With its clever combination of G-spot and anal stimulation, this bad boy is perfect for solo sessions or couples’ playtime. The realistic feel and cutting-edge tech will have you screaming with pleasure, making it an absolute must-have for any discerning pleasure-seeker. If you’re searching for a dildo that feels ridiculously close to the real deal, I highly recommend giving this lil’ fella a try.

Fire Play Kink Safety Guidelines: Igniting Desire While Dousing Danger

As you crave the thrill of fire play in the bedroom, it’s essential to prioritize safety above all. The tantalizing touch of flames can elevate your sexual experience, but it demands respect and caution. Before you indulge in this scorching passion, ensure you’re well-versed in the following safety guidelines.

Preparation is Key Clear your play area of any flammable materials, and keep a fire extinguisher nearby. Invest in a fire-resistant blanket or mat to protect your skin and surroundings. Choose a well-ventilated space to prevent inhaling toxic fumes.

The Right Tools for the Job Select fire play toys specifically designed for this purpose, such as fire wands or candles with a low flame. Never use household items, like lighters or matches, as they can be unpredictable and dangerous.

Consent and Communication Discuss boundaries and desires with your partner, ensuring you’re both comfortable with the level of intensity. Establish a safe word to halt the activity if needed.

Skin Safety Perform a patch test on a small area of skin to check for any adverse reactions to the heat or flames. Keep a bowl of water or a damp cloth nearby to cool down the skin if necessary.

Fire Handling Hold the flame at a safe distance from your skin, and never leave it unattended. Keep your hair tied back, and avoid wearing loose clothing that could catch fire.

Aftercare Once the play is complete, inspect your skin for any burns or irritation. Apply a soothing balm or cream to calm the skin, and engage in gentle, relaxing activities to unwind.

By following these safety guidelines, you’ll be able to indulge in the thrill of fire play while prioritizing your well-being. Remember, safety is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

If you want tips on the Fire Play Kink, Temperature play and more, check out our blog chock full of fun sex tips: Temperature Play Tips for the Beginner

Normalize armpit sniffing! Even Napoleon was reported to have enjoyed the essence of his lover. 🧐🇫🇷

Not wanting to lose any of her natural scent before he arrived home, Napoleon famously wrote to his lover, Empress Joséphine, “Don’t wash, I’m coming home”

Some of you may be thinking, “what?” but this is my attempt to normalize something that even I, at one point, thought was a bit to the left of the center. One day, however, I opened up my mind, when I realized I was drifting off to sleep, intoxicated by inhaling the delicate scent, emanating straight from the armpit of my partner. 

Gawd, am I an armpit girl now? Think about it; we’ve been told that we’re supposed to dislike this odor. Perhaps it’s where I have arrived in my sexual biology, or maybe it’s something I’ve never noticed before.

I remember my mother, ever so fearful about smelling any less than godly, would frequently turn her nose up and exclaim, “can you BELIEVE we’re supposed to be attracted to that?!” I always wrote her off, as young ones do. However I didn’t really consider the notion of being attracted to pheromones. Not until becoming more and more frequently exposed to people who love armpits, in various adult online communities. 

The answer is: armpit sniffing is all about pheromones.

This deep desire that sometimes spans into fetish territory, was far more common than I realized. This old but informative TED Talk uncovers a great deal about pheromones and why we respond to them, using dogs as a perfect example as a creature that learns and uncovers through scent.

Maybe it’s not that we’re necessarily supposed to be *attracted* in the same way we’d be attracted to smelling a flower. As with many animals, humans are biologically wired to pick up information, based on scent. The information we “pick up” can tell our brains many things, such as whether or not a person can be a potential mate, biologically. 

Hormones and pheromones are secreted by our apocrine sweatglands, which only reside in our genital-region or underarms. It’s no surprise that, as animals ourselves, we’re able to pick up on these hormones and pheromones which trigger a brain response. If we’re attracted to it, that means there is a level of compatibility. Pheromones and other hormones can tell our brains a lot of things we don’t understand consciously, but understand on a more primal level. Armpit Sniffing is just one way to get that scent, stimulating our brains in unique ways.

Various research studies have shown that people can “sniff out” better mates, that are more genetically dissimilar. This popular study had 49 women bask in the odor of men’s two-day old shirts. The study found that these women strongly preferred those who possessed different gene variants from themselves.

All Genders Enjoy Pheromones!

A similar experiment was performed on straight men. In this study, 41 women were asked to wear cotton gauze in their pits for 24 hours, on two different days. One day was a high fertility day. The second pad was worn on a low-fertility day. The study concluded that men rated the high-fertility days as smelling “sexier” and more pleasant, overall. 

Study author Kelly Gildersleeve suggested, “It could be a learned response that historically encouraged men to have sex with a woman precisely when sex was more likely to result in conception.”

Scent is a way to bond, but it’s also a way to suss out compatibility.

While there is more to uncover, scent and closeness are very much correlated in an intimate situation. Sometimes simply having a strong connection with someone can be enough for us to love their scent, as well.

Beyond the potential genetic connection, this study uncovers how odor and compatibility can be based on a “positive feedback loop”. There is a relationship that exists psychologically between how much a person likes their partner’s B.O. and exposure. 

Pheromones are Communicators, similar to Hormones

Since nowadays we mask underarm odor quite frequently, it’s become a lost art of non-verbal communication. Our bodies run and operate based on hormones, which communicate messages to the brain from various regions of the body. Pheromones are external communicators, stimulating your evolutionary instincts in ways you may or may not be conditioned to appreciate. 

Pheromones aren’t quite like hormones, but they have similar purposes as communicators. Hormones are what our bodies use to communicate needs and carry out processes such as mood and sexual function. Pheromones work outside the body, signaling messages to members of the same species. Much like animals, we’re able to pick up on those easily, through erogenous zones such as the armpit and the groin-area. 

On A Personal Note

Speaking as a woman that dates men, we’re socially conditioned to love a man’s scent from a young age. Even if it’s their cologne, it’s still paired with their personal musk, making it their own personal scent signature. We love this so much, that we love to steal their hoodies and wear them ourselves. 

Let’s call that what it is: basking in your person’s natural scent. So I ask, why not appreciate the armpit for what it is? A pheromone factory. It’s a signal of lust, inspiring a plethora of feelings you may not have allowed yourself to explore.

Enjoying the smell of someone’s body odor feels deeply primal in concept, but perhaps we’re over sanitizing the human body as an image. It’s not like it’s a surprise to anyone that  someone–another human!–can have body odor at all. Perhaps that’s simply because it is something deeply ingrained in our biology, and not something we desperately need to unpack.

Are you into Armpit Sniffing? Let us know your take in the comments about what really turns you on!

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